A Modesto mother’s heroic example inspires UCSF med student — despite coronavirus

Our lives as first-year UCSF medical students, like many others, changed in a matter of minutes.

One day everything was pretty normal; COVID-19 was rising, but classes were still in session. The next day we received an email that everything was moving to remote learning at least until April 30, maybe as far as June. Then, facilities such as the library began closing. COVID-19 was making my world fall apart.

I decided to come back to my hometown, Modesto, to be with my family. My mom asked if I had any second thoughts about pursuing medicine and becoming a physician in the midst of COVID-19. I immediately responded, “No.”

As I thought about this question more and more, I began to reflect. I realized this pandemic has brought out fears and anxieties I didn’t know I had.

My mom, who has taught me compassion, hard work and courage, is an ICU nurse at a Modesto hospital. She is approaching her 60s, a higher risk group of COVID-19. When she came back from work a few nights ago, she stripped in the garage and ran immediately to the shower, trying not to contaminate our home. I waited for her on the couch, eagerly wanting to understand the day she just experienced. For the first time in my life, I saw fear and uncertainty in my mom.

Along with many healthcare workers across the country, my mom goes to work to take care of vulnerable and fearful patients. Our hospitals are not prepared — masks, goggles, and other personal protective equipment are unbelievably scarce. Those who need it the most, in order to take care of the people we love, are told to wear an entire shift the same mask that should be disposed of after one use.

Every day, health care workers like my mom are taking care of patients with infection and taking a risk of contagion to themselves and their family members. They step into a world of risk and uncertainty, because the benefit to these patients who need them outweighs their personal risks.

Every day, healthcare workers like my mom put patients’ needs in front of their own because they made a commitment to taking care of those who are ill. Because of this commitment, even though my mom has expressed fear, she still calls into work on her days off to see if there are patients who can use her help.

Do I have second thoughts about pursuing a career as a physician? Definitely not. A wise woman once said, “Acting in spite of being fearful is courage.” I see this every day my mom leaves the house for work. Like her, I want a life of commitment to taking care of ill patients who are vulnerable and just as scared as we are as health professionals.

Through COVID-19, my mom has taught me how far reason, rationality, empathy, and altruism take you beyond fear. Seeing the compassion she holds every day for her family and patients, despite the fear she has inside, gives me the courage I need on this path.

Although I am not far enough in my physician training to directly impact the lives of COVID-19 victims, I will one day have the privilege to help those who are not only fearful, but who also have no choice in the matter.