Pamela Clemensen: The teeter-totter of decision

Hillary Clinton has no monopoly on the mantra “Hard Choices.” Seniors in the so-called “golden years” definitely have their share of difficult decisions to make.

Stanislaus County alone has a continuously increasing population of over 70,000 age 65-plus, and 8,000 of those are 85 and over, according to the U.S. Census Bureau. AARP calls anyone over age 50 a “senior.” While that used to sound “old,” what does that make those of us who are over 65? Senior seniors?

A common dilemma shared by this group is deciding if their living situation is appropriate for them.

Many wonder when, or if, it is better for them to downsize into a smaller home, move to an independent living community or consider one that offers additional levels of care (known as Continuous Care Retirement Community).

TV’s Joan Lunden advocates “A Place for Mom”; well, how about a place for us?

Some folks proclaim they will only leave their home feet-first. Nonetheless, many who have made a transition to a different lifestyle attest that it has “added years” to their lives. Is there a “right time?” And when it arrives, how does one know?

Change can be disruptive at any age, especially as we grow older. We become comfortable in our surroundings. So why move? But being too comfortable can often allow us to deny reality and growth. The ancient Greek philosopher Heraclitus purported that the only thing that never changes is change itself. A decision either way involves some degree of change.

Etymologically speaking, “decide” is from Latin root “decidere” – more literally, “to cut off.” In this context, deciding might be analogous to pruning a plant to encourage it to thrive, rather than merely survive.

As far as criteria, some retirement communities pose some questions only you can answer. Do you:

▪ Mow your lawn (if you still have one) or shovel snow (if there is any)?

▪ Prepare and cook nutritious meals?

▪ Go out socially as much as you would like?

▪ Attend doctor appointments with your spouse or by yourself?

▪ Feel safe when you shower or bathe?

▪ Keep up your appearance?

▪ Walk without a cane or walker?

▪ Find your neighborhood safe and friendly?

▪ Shop for groceries on your own?

▪ Feel comfortable driving your car during daylight hours?

▪ Have a home health provider as reliable as you’d like?

A “no” answer to more than a few might be a indicator that you should consider a move.

There is always more to the equation. Affordability is sometimes an issue; retirement communities can be pricey.

Meanwhile, if everyday tasks are becoming challenging, less will get done. For example:

▪ Changing a light bulb becomes difficult if it requires a precarious perch on a ladder. In our household, ladders are supposed to be “off limits.” Much to my chagrin, my tenacious spouse breaches the edict. (I had a handyman change the light 15 feet above our porch.)

▪ If one hires a gardener to offset yard work, it might be “Joe Mow and Blow,” meaning if he shows up, you’ll still be doing the pruning and digging. Plus, you’ll owe Joe.

▪ Food preparation takes longer. Opening a jar or package can inflict vicious wounds or require pliers.

▪ Maneuvering the vacuum is literally a push and balancing act. But house cleaners can be expensive.

▪ Medical needs increase, requiring specialists for each body part. Yet the thought of changing physicians if one relocates is scary, especially with the shortages we’ve all heard about.

▪ Occasional falls, even if minor, signal vulnerability. Grab bars and hand rails become necessities.

▪ Driving at night is avoided. In daytime, familiar routes are preferred (extra caution with left turns).

Often in these situations the mind wants to do the task, but the body has a will of its own. We are no longer “The Little Engine that Could.” Believing we are puts us at risk. Denial often arises and allows us to gloss over problems, thinking they will pass or improve. Status quo is “safe.”

Making such a move is one of the most difficult life changes we can experience. Like others, my husband and I are on a teeter-totter. We know we will ultimately have to make a change. The tricky part is recognizing when.

We have myriad, intensive discussions. Fear of the unknown flails in our faces. Wait too long, and the choice might not be ours to make. No thank you! Introspection with horse sense (stable thinking) are paramount in weighing the pros and cons.

Being in control of one’s life contributes to the sense of independence we all struggle to maintain.

Here’s to a smooth climb off the teeter-totter when the time comes to swing into the future.

This story was originally published April 30, 2015 at 11:41 PM with the headline "Pamela Clemensen: The teeter-totter of decision."