Pamela Clemensen: Patience, gratitude, tenderness appreciated on Turkey Day

“The struggle ends when the gratitude begins …”

– Neale Donald Walsch

What are your plans for Thanksgiving? This question evokes various responses. As the word “Thanksgiving” implies, it is a time to give thanks, the “giving” often coming first. Aromas, flavors and seasonal accoutrements conjure up remembrances and enjoyments of past times; pleasant and unpleasant memories are rekindled.

The majority of us will likely have turkey, since it is the preferred Thanksgiving fare. Consumer Reports says 82 percent of Americans eat turkey on this holiday, with more than 46 million turkeys purchased. A great many of these noble birds are raised around here (CSU Stanislaus isn’t called “Turkey Tech” just because it’s in Turlock), in large, tightly controlled bird houses or on smaller operations, such as Diestel Turkey Ranch near Sonora.

Some of us may prepare dinner at home, some may celebrate in another venue.

We may gather with family and/or friends, some by choice, some by obligation or blind tradition. Whatever the circumstances, there are often persons present who would much prefer to be elsewhere. Consequently and all too often, the bird from the oven is not the only turkey at the table.

Some of them even do their own basting with alcohol, getting juiced instead of juicy, which can result in tinges of toughness rather than tenderness. This can lead to a lack of civility, social protocol or table manners. Some may flaunt politically juxtaposed opinions. Others might schlepp personal baggage with them, making it a heavier meal than it already is. Any of this sound familiar?

Clearly, it takes time, patience and skill to wrestle with the turkey in the kitchen to get it prepped. To tussle with more of them at the table is challenging, and can be more on the plate than is palatable.

Add to the mix the current awareness of an array of food allergies. Considerate hosts will inquire ahead if any guest is lactose or gluten intolerant, on a salt-free diet, or has health issues with certain foods.

Besides potential challenges with guests there are the little foibles in the kitchen. One year I forgot to remove the giblets before roasting the turkey. Another time I inadvertently omitted the sugar from the pumpkin pies. Whatever little faux pas occur in the kitchen, dinner is eventually gobbled up in much less time than it took to prepare. Unless of course, one does what a friend of mine did when checking the turkey and presses the “self-clean” button instead of the oven light.

So what about the “giving thanks” part? The underlying spirit of the day?

Considering these “all that can go wrong” aspects, we should remember that tenderness, tolerance and just being polite are important side dishes at this celebration. Give each other the latitude to overcome our, shall we say, difficulties.

Just because we come to the table with differences, it is not always necessary to reconcile them. (“Vive la différence!”) If we kindly muster the gumption to put everything in perspective and consider the whole picture, we take a noble step beyond tolerance.

No matter where or with whom we celebrate the day, let each of us take time for a meaningful moment to graciously give thanks.

This story was originally published November 24, 2014 at 3:42 PM with the headline "Pamela Clemensen: Patience, gratitude, tenderness appreciated on Turkey Day."