The sad truth about why domestic abuse victims recant their stories

According to The New York Times, 70 to 80% of domestic violence victims will recant their statements.

Onlookers often suspect that victims change their minds about prosecution of their abusers for fear of retaliation. Intimate partner violence is complicated and can be likened to an onion. The layers must carefully be peeled back to get to the center of the relationship. Rachel L. Snyder, author of No Visible Bruises: What We Don’t Know about Domestic Violence Can Kill Us, simply states, “There is often no end date for the victims,” and “escaping an abusive relationship hardly ensures that the danger is over.”

Those of us who work in the field come from a place of belief without judgment. Domestic violence thrives under cover of darkness. Many individuals feel shame about their abuse. They have been controlled and manipulated into believing that the violence was their fault.

Most perpetrators wear a mask outside the home. They appear to be loving, caring and nurturing. Only the victim sees and suffers when that mask is dropped. Friends and family will not believe the survivor if they choose to disclose the abuse. When law enforcement is called out, abusers can be charming and manipulative. They will minimize the event. They often will gaslight the victim and the victim is left feeling isolated, fearing no one will ever believe them.

The visceral reason that victims change their minds is that there is still love for this person and a deep hope that their partner will change behavior. Their abuser shows flashes of the person they fell in love with, and hope for the future as a couple and as a family returns.

In a 2011, Ohio State University did a qualitative study of 25 heterosexual couples — where the male perpetrator was incarcerated for a felony domestic violence offense — in which phone calls were monitored. Results showed five stages of recantation: “Strong and Resolved;” “Minimizing the Abuse;” “They Don’t Understand Us;” “Lie for me;” and “Developing the plan.”

Janette Garcia, Training Manager at Haven Women’s Center of Stanislaus, said, “It may be too dangerous for a victim to cooperate with the prosecution and they recant as a way of attempting to manage the violence.” In addition, “there are powerful influences of religion, culture and financial control that pressure victims to recant,” and “when a victim has children with an abuser, they often fear for the safety of their children, fear losing custody, or recant with the hope of fixing the relationship for the sake of the children.”

The power and control an abuser has over their victim is underestimated. The well of feelings toward their partner runs very deep. There is always that small seed of hope for them to change back into the person they fell in love with.

May Rico, executive director at Haven, stated: “While the variables will differ for each person, the most common reasons are either it feels like the best decision to make for the family at that time, or the safest decision because the alternative feels too dangerous.” She added, “Here’s the part people don’t like to hear: Sometimes it is. It’s why we never tell a person what the safest thing is for them to do.”

Domestic violence advocates operate from an empowerment model. Survivors are simply offered options. The client is in charge of this process. We provide unconditional support. It truly is up to the survivor to decide their course of action. They are always the experts of their story.