Ed Brault: Without all those commercials, how would I know what I need?

I am livid with rage. How dare they interrupt my commercials with all those insipid programs. I celebrate every time I see the same commercial for the 100th time. I can’t wait for the day when commercials take over. Goodbye Judge Judy. Goodbye Fox channel. I was recently overcome with joy when a commercial appeared twice a few minutes apart. We seniors have short memories and I had already forgotten the first one. It’s especially exciting when someone with a British accent starts yelling at me, insisting I need toilet cleaner.

I encourage TV commercials by purchasing just about every item they are trying to sell. I really get emotional when the commercials end with “call now.” I keep the phone right next to me so I can be the first one to call now. I love how they pretend to love us when all they really want is for us to transfer money from our pockets to theirs. They seem to know me personally because they keep telling me what I deserve. Don’t you just love America.

This story was originally published January 19, 2015 at 12:16 PM with the headline "Ed Brault: Without all those commercials, how would I know what I need?."