Lloyd Russell: Conservative science could get us back to the good old, old days

This letter is to aid conservative scientists in marketing their brand. It is well known that right-wing science does not accept man-caused global warming, the harmful effects of tobacco smoke, acid rain, etc. .

But it also well known that sunlight can cause melanoma. So, we need to ban the use of solar energy. Instead, right-wing scientists should trumpet the health benefits of coal smoke and automotive exhaust.

Their second goal should be to invent a time machine. Conservatives could use it to return to the good old days of the 19th century when cheap labor made sure capitalism flourished. People were motivated to work; nothing like a few starved corpses to inspire the laziest man not to worry about a minimum wage.

The third thing Republican scientists need to do is to prove Obama is not of this world. It’s not enough to question his Hawaiian birth certificate; it’s necessary to prove he is not even a carbon-based life form. Perhaps he’s a 600-year-old citizen of Jupiter.Finally, it is unfortunate the right doesn’t believe in evolution. If humans evolved to have Kevlar skin, it would destroy the liberal’s arguments for gun control.

But then scientists would have to develop another portable device to exterminate the neighbors.

This story was originally published November 10, 2015 at 1:26 PM with the headline "Lloyd Russell: Conservative science could get us back to the good old, old days."