Last night I dreamt I made so many billions in Russia during the 90’s and 2000’s that I became sort of like one of Vladimir Putin’s oligarchs.
Of course, if I brought that cash back to America I’d have to pay taxes on it and Putin didn’t want that much cash to leave Russia either, so we devised a plan. I'd hide the money in Russia and use it little by little to build a golf course/resort empire in America. But instead of paying taxes on it, the money came in as loans and gifts from Russians.
My dream turned into a nightmare when Putin made me run for President. I couldn’t keep my mouth shut defending Putin while he rigged the election. What's worse, just like Putin predicted, I won the election.
And then came the Special Counsel.
In my dream, I saw myself ranting all day to distract the public, but at night I fretted about penalties and interest and orange jumpsuits.
When I woke up I was frightened. But then I remembered that I’m safe as long as I’m surrounded by a security circle of Republican congressmen. Anyway, it was only a dream.
J. Jason Gale, Riverbank