Paul Neumann: Learnin? That was just a waste of your time and mine
Some of you who are reading this may have taken an English class from me at MJC or know someone who did. I now realize that all those things I tried to teach you – like grammar, the craft of writing, critical thinking, the importance of evidence, all of that – was just biased liberal college propaganda. Facts, I now know, are relative. There can be one set of facts, and there can be an alternate set. You can choose whichever facts you want. It don’t make no difference.
And I’m sorry, real, real sorry, that I wasted your time talking about the importance of reading. Books are just one writer’s opinion. Stick with social media – I mean media you can agree with, not the biased liberal media. I used to make fun of the National Enquirer, with its photos of George Bush standing next to an alien. But who knows if it ain’t true? Worst of all, nothing I tried to teach you would prepare you for the world you now live in. Sorry.
Paul Neumann, Modesto
This story was originally published January 31, 2017 at 5:55 PM with the headline "Paul Neumann: Learnin? That was just a waste of your time and mine."