Pamela Clemensen: The charm of the thank-you note remains

“Write thank you notes promptly.” – H. Jackson Brown Jr., “Life’s Little Instruction Book”

When was the last time you received a thank-you note? Perhaps you sent a gift but never heard if it arrived, or you wonder if the recipient liked it.

Brown’s quote hit home with me, harkening back to my childhood. My mother sat me down at an early age and lovingly decreed that I write a thank-you before I could even think about enjoying the gift! This task was not negotiable. It was simply good manners to thank people and make them feel appreciated. It still is.

Erstwhile etiquette icon Emily Post advocated this practice many years prior to Brown and my mother. Nowadays, grandparents often find themselves bewildered regarding gift giving, as grandchildren (or their parents) may not acknowledge if a gift was ever received. Sadly, the bona fide thank-you note has become the exception rather than the rule. What happened to this age-old protocol that many of us were taught as an integral part of life?

This apparently dormant act of civility is revived by a handwritten note on real paper, placed in an envelope with a stamp, and sent by regular mail. Verbal “thank yous,” emails, texts or Facebook postings alone simply don’t cut it! Not only are these venues bad manners, they denote a shirking of responsibility. Beyond the civility aspects, a handwritten note presents a meaningful opportunity for us to connect with those in our lives, rather than having our thanks eventually be lost in verbiage or cyberspace purgatory.

When (or if) I am fortunate enough to receive a personal note, it is likely to be the first piece of mail I open; it “pushes the envelope” far ahead of abounding daily flotsam. Thoughtful writers have taken the time to give part of themselves, making me feel appreciated, often “making my day.” If I happen to be the one writing the note, I hope the recipients are gracious enough to look beyond my hieroglyphical handwriting, knowing that my cursive scrawl comes from the heart.

Years ago, a box of thank-you note stationery was an appropriate gift, and well received. Today, one is reticent to give such, especially to a young person. I have known recipients to take offense, considering it a not-so-subtle hint at their social bankruptcy. (Right on!)

An article in The Bee in 2006 by Edward M. Eveld was headlined, “Thanks for Reading This.” He cited Susan Fenner, an avid thank-you-note writer, who echoes my upbringing. When asked what situations warrant a thank-you note, Fenner replied: “Everything.” This might seem extreme, but we can take the time to show our gratitude and appreciation for something someone did for us, which can often make a big difference. Notes can be for things other than tangible gifts, such as being a guest in someone’s home, a special kindness or even friendship. Thank a teacher or a mentor who was an inspiration.

Present-day Internet author and computer expert Harley Hahn ascertains the underlying secret to his success is writing thank-you notes and that “good manners separate us from the rest of the animal kingdom.”

A friend shared recently that she attended eight weddings last year and sent each couple a special gift. She received two thank-you notes.

What is wrong with this picture? Contrary to the prior grace period of one year, the Emily Post Institute website now aligns with Brown, stating “thank-you notes must be done immediately.”

But who wants to write them on the honeymoon?

All that needs to be written are a few words, which include “Thank You,” expressing genuine appreciation, and a sentence or two concerning what you like about the gift or whatever you are acknowledging. Until you have written (and mailed) the note, you have not fulfilled your social obligation.

The simple thank-you note transcends the distance the U.S. Postal Service takes it, warmly finding its way into the depths of the recipient’s heart.

This story was originally published August 12, 2015 at 5:04 PM with the headline "Pamela Clemensen: The charm of the thank-you note remains."