Jessica’s House leaders in Turlock co-author book to help families navigate grief
When a death happens in a family, parents are often left navigating grief and loss while still trying to keep a sense of normalcy.
Parents may find themselves asking, “How should I answer my child’s questions about death?” “Should I let them see me cry?” “How can I support my child’s resilience?” and “How can I help preserve memories?”
These questions and many more are addressed in a new book, “When Grief Comes Home: A Gentle Guide for Living Through Loss While Supporting Your Child,” written by Erin Nelson and Colleen E. Montague, both of Jessica’s House in Turlock.
After experiencing a series of personal losses, Nelson founded Jessica’s House in 2012 to help families manage the complexities of family grief. She is now the executive director. Montague is a licensed marriage and family therapist and program director for Jessica’s House.
The idea for the book came 20 years ago, said Nelson, after she lost her husband in an aircraft collision. “I was a 26-year-old widow and I read a book from another mom whose husband had died in the same way, and I was surprised how much of a friend that book became to me,” she said.
Nelson began to write on social media about her grief, and to connect with others who were going through their grief journeys. Soon after, she started Jessica’s House in 2012. The nonprofit was established to give families resources and help with grieving through peer support groups and school programs.
In 2019, Montague came on board as a volunteer and was hired on staff in 2022. “There’s something in the walls here, as people say, it’s just the people and the work is just, it’s beautiful,” she said.
Nelson recalls once asking Montague what she was most proud of. She replied that it was having an article published, and she spoke of how much she loved writing. “I just started thinking how cool would it be for us to write a book that could really be like a to-go container for Jessica’s House parents who don’t have a Jessica’s House in their backyard,” she said.
Years earlier at a writers conference, Nelson had met a literary agent who offered to help publish her story and ideas if she ever decided to move forward with a book. That chance meeting was key to finding a home for “When Grief Comes Home.” Baker Books Publishing Group published the book earlier this month.
Nelson and Montague say the book is filled with stories and resources to help families navigate grief, which is unique and complex when it happens in a family.
“When you have a death that is just an untimely death, either for a child, either a parent or a sibling, that’s an adverse experience that carries a lot of risk factors if a child doesn’t have support,” Nelson said. “Having support really makes a difference.”
Montague explained that each chapter begins with personal anecdotes from Nelson related to the chapter topic and then practical takeaways modeled after activities that have been successful in practice at Jessica’s House.
“We include reflective questions for the parents, to journal or to talk out with someone else or themselves. And then we have expressive activities as well that they can do with their kids,” said Montague.
The authors also considered the length of the chapters. “The chapters are short because for someone who’s grieving, they can’t take in a lot of information all at once. Usually, they just need bite-size bits of help,” said Montague. The chapters close with a blessing from Nelson, carrying a message of strength and hope.
Nelson said she hopes families can find solace in the book, as she did in books during the early stages of her grief journey. “What we want most for parents is to feel like they have a companion next to them, to feel like they have what they need to equip them to take care of themselves and to be there for their child with all of the best practices that we know from Jessica’s House,” she said.
“I hope that families can find hope,” Montague added.
“When Grief Comes Home” can be purchased locally at Bookish, Barnes & Noble, and Jessica’s House, which is located at 1225 W. Christoffersen Parkway in Turlock. The book — 192 pages and $18.99 in softcover — also can be purchased at multiple online retailers, and all proceeds go directly back into Jessica’s House.
