Kindness gets a helping hand at charter high school in Modesto

Teens at Valley Charter High took time out to be kind, finding out they share more common ground than they thought – even with people they were once mean to.

Kindness Week included thank you sticky notes to teachers, notes of encouragement to their 200 fellow students, ripping up notes with bad thoughts, and lots of hot cocoa. It wrapped up Dec. 4 with an assembly at the school, which sits next to the Modesto Junior College east campus.

“It’s amazing to see how kids in a school are a family,” said James Parker, the school’s history and leadership teacher, before picking up the microphone.

Microphone in hand, Parker had teens cross a blue-taped line to show they were part of a group. The first test: Pepsi fans on one side, Coke on the other. The second test: football fans on one side, soccer fans on the other. Each time, kids who did not cross the line gave an encouraging thumbs up to those who did.

Then he tackled more serious topics.

How many kids had ever been bullied? Nearly all walked over the line.

How many kids had ever done the bullying? Nearly as many crossed.

How many kids were or knew or had in their family a gay person or someone with a different gender identity? Again, nearly all changed sides.

How many kids had gone through the death of a parent? About a half-dozen walked over the line, followed by teachers.

A somber room full of teens then sat in a circle and were asked to apologize to each other.

“No one in the room is perfect, not even me,” Parker said to scattered chuckles. “A lot of you guys have baggage with other,” he told the teens, baggage that gets in the way and needs to be acknowledged to go away.

A dozen group hugs and a lot of “I’m sorry” calls across the room later, those willing to speak up said they felt better.

“I was mean to you.”

“I lied.”

“I caused a lot of arguments, even split up family members.”

“I tattle taled.”

“I (chatted with an ex while at a dance). Sorry about how awkward that was.”

“I misjudged you. I mis-gendered you.”

And some deeper pain came out.

From a thin girl: “I’ve done some things, mostly to myself, that really freaked out my parents.”

From a boy with strikingly dyed hair, choking back tears: “I’m sorry dad. We had a terrible summer. Now you’re not here and I wish you were. If I’ve ever hurt you, dad. I’m sorry.”

The session ended with praise for working on the difficult task of making wrongs right again.

“I know a lot of you are having a difficult time at home. A lot of that gets mixed up at school,” Parker said.

But many of the teens really got the kindness message, he said, including one he found writing to a teacher. “I thought, if I don’t write one, I don’t think anyone else will,” the student told him.

“At 18, he got it,” Parker said. “These Post-a-Notes literally cost less than a penny. What’s written on them,” he paused, “is gold.”

This story was originally published December 11, 2015 at 12:00 PM with the headline "Kindness gets a helping hand at charter high school in Modesto."