It’s ready, set, gotta go at Twain Harte’s Crapper Derby

It’s fair to say Twain Harte has gone down the toilet.

Hey, don’t get flushed now. I’m not dropping any bombs here. The simple truth is the tiny foothills community is totally in the crapper – at least for one day a year. On Saturday, the town played host to its third annual Royal Flush Crapper Derby.

The fun-spirited event had teams race in custom-made outhouses for, if not exactly fortune, at least a crap load of personal glory. The competition was cooked up by the Twain Harte Rotary as a way to bring tourists, attention and more than a few giggles to the area. Rotary member and derby coordinator Mike Laurance said after the devastation from the Rim Fire of 2013, the community was in the dumps.

“After the Rim Fire, the economy here was dying, and we’re trying to help keep it alive,” Laurance said. “So why not something like this? It’s just a fun event.”

Teams of three – a driver and two pushers – compete. There are rules – like these portable potties need to be at least 6 feet tall, weigh at least 200 pounds, cover at least 9 square feet and be fitted with a toilet seat throne. But, come on, they’re water closets on wheels. The rules are there are basically no rules – and don’t leave the lid up.

About 20 teams went loo-to-loo in derby in front of an enthusiastic crowd of looky-loos. The outhouses had names befitting the event’s solemn nature – like Poopstream and Deuces Wild and Crapper Trapper. Instead of a starting pistol there was a starting flatulent sound. And then, with a big push, they were off to do their business.

The money raised goes to the Rotary for student scholarships and community service projects. Two of the teams competing again this year went to the World Championship Outhouse Races in Virginia City last year. Yes, Virginia City, there is a World Championship Outhouse Races. Sport-a-Potty was named fastest in the world at the event with fellow foothills stallmate Dung Fu Warrior taking second.

Sport-a-Potty won again this year and will head back to defend the championship this October. But, in an event like this, there are no losers – only lavatories.

First-time racer Robin Rowland from team The Flower Potty said her reaction to the Crapper Derby was probably a lot like yours.

“I was like, ‘Um, what?’ But then we figured out what it was and then it just sounded like a lot of fun,” Rowland said. Her outhouse, sponsored by the Sonora Sunrise Rotary, had a floral motif with a methane chaser. That way, no matter if they won or lost, they came out “smelling like roses.”

The family-friendly event – because, let’s face it, everyone has to go at some point – had emcee Ron Haedicke bringing out his best, G-rated potty humor. The little kids who didn’t get dropped off at the pool that day could also compete in their own Tot Pot Races.

The racing restrooms were all gender-neutral, with men and women powdering their noses on the course together. Coming up with a creative concept was half the battle. Erik Johnson, with the 49er Rotary Interact Club, said he took his inspiration from an episode of “South Park” for his hot dog cart-themed outhouse.

“Well, I think there was an episode with a chocolate hot dog. And, well, our club has a hot dog stand in Sonora. So, it worked out,” he said.

Others, like the Stanislaus Steamer team, took reduce, reuse, recycle to a whole new level. The competitors were all part of the Stanislaus National Forest Employees Association and used nothing but old – though thoroughly cleaned – materials from real restrooms in the wilderness area. Even the racing seat came out of a real backcountry outhouse, said Albert Desrosiers, who works on a forest trail crew.

Desrosiers’ team has competed all three years in the Crapper Derby. So then what’s the secret to racing an outhouse?

“A lot of gas,” he said.

This story was originally published June 4, 2016 at 6:50 PM with the headline "It’s ready, set, gotta go at Twain Harte’s Crapper Derby."