Court’s same-sex marriage ruling celebrated in Modesto

Members and advocates of the gay and lesbian community in the Modesto area rejoiced Friday that the law of the land has changed with the U.S. Supreme Court’s decision that the Constitution guarantees a right to same-sex marriage. But they didn’t don rose-colored glasses for the celebration, observing that hurdles still remain.

Every time a state has supported same-sex marriage, it’s been legally challenged, “so I imagine the Supreme Court decision will be challenged as well,” said Bret Lampman, who with husband John Welsh founded the nonprofit MoPRIDE Inc.

“You have marriage as a religious institution, in a sense, and a legal institution, and the courts are ruling on it as a legal institution,” he added. “It really is clearly two different issues, but a lot of Americans don’t see it that that way.”

There are churches that embrace gay marriage and those that reject it, and even pastors who support it when their larger church doesn’t, Lampman said, and a court ruling won’t change that. “As far as a legal decision, it’s decided, that’s it, but the religious and cultural side needs to play out,” he said. “If you’re a man who doesn’t want to marry a man, then don’t. If you’re a woman who doesn’t want to marry a woman, don’t. But in a free nation, you’re supposed to be able to do what you want as long as you don’t hurt anyone.”

Andrew Thomlison, manager of the Tiki Cocktail Lounge in Modesto, was preparing Friday afternoon for a party at the bar to celebrate the ruling. The Tiki was opening a couple of hours early because of great interest on social media in getting the party started, he said.

“I never thought for a second I would see this in my lifetime. It’s shocking and amazing,” he said of the ruling.

College Avenue United Church of Christ in Modesto also held a celebration Friday night. “This is an event for the entire community, inspired by the Gospel, which promises joy and justice for all people,” organizers said in an email to The Modesto Bee.

“Love is universal, and that can be respected more than any other emotion,” Thomlison said. But he added that the court’s ruling “opens a whole new Pandora’s box. In Texas, people will get married and then get fired.”

Thomlison, not married but “dating a really great guy,” praised California and Modesto for being so accepting. It bothers him when he hears people talk about it being tough to be gay in the Central Valley. He said he tends to be “comfortable wherever I am because I’m out and loud and proud.” But when Thomlison visited his mother in Missouri recently, he “dialed it down. ... You don’t know what it’s like in Missouri or Texas,” where he was stationed while in the military.

In October, a gay Enochs High School senior was elected homecoming king, Thomlison noted. In February, a transgender sophomore at the school was voted homecoming princess.

“That doesn’t happen in Missouri,” he said. “These are all steppingstones to full equality.” Because of steps such as the high court’s ruling, “I’m going to be able to go to Missouri someday and just be me.”

In the meantime, Thomlison pointed to a friend’s Facebook post saying that now when same-sex married couples travel the country and one falls sick, “we’re protected.”

No more being kept out of a hospital room because you’re not considered family, he said. “That’s not the law of the land now.”

Jessica Self, an attorney and vice president of MoPRIDE, called the ruling “the largest, probably most public step in our nation’s history showing that trends are changing” regarding gay acceptance. But she added that there’s “still so much to be done.”

“You don’t know what’s going to happen in private institutions, so this doesn’t mean we won’t have to continue fighting with private institutions like companies over health benefits,” Self said.

Self is heterosexual and unmarried and refers to herself as an “ally” of gay and lesbian friends and family members.

“These days, if I don’t have a wedding to be at, I have a bridal shower. Everybody seems to be getting married,” she said.

And gays have had so much more to consider, she said. Will the church they’ve attended all their lives perform their ceremony? Will their loved one’s family show up?

“They’re probably more ready to get married” than most heterosexual couples, Self said. “They have so much deeper worries than ‘Will the table setting match?’”

Of course, the high court’s ruling doesn’t mean churches have to perform same-sex ceremonies, she said. “Religious freedom is alive and well.”

But she hopes that eventually, more and more people will recognize “that all these (same-sex) people married and the walls didn’t come crumbling down.”

Marian Martino, a Modesto business owner who married before Proposition 8 took effect, said she quietly enjoyed the court’s ruling Friday.

“I just sent a text to my wife saying it’s amazing how all the work we did with all the various organizations has paid off,” Martino said.

On being married, she said, “The biggest difference is you can say you’re married and people instantly understand what that relationship is. Prior to being able to identify my wife as my wife, there was never an appropriate or significant way to introduce her.” No other word, “partner” or “companion,” captured the importance of their relationship, she said.

Martino said she and others were “boots on the ground fighting for this issue since the early ’90s. ... When we started, there was not the expectation that we would truly see this day.”

This story was originally published June 26, 2015 at 7:39 PM with the headline "Court’s same-sex marriage ruling celebrated in Modesto."