For children, grieving a loved one takes time, Jessica’s House offers support
Conversations.
That’s what the three sisters from Hilmar wanted most when asked: “What would you do if you had one more week with your mom?”
In heartbreaking fashion, they freely answered the question during their grief support session at Jessica’s House, a nonprofit organization in Turlock that offers help to grieving children, teens, young adults and their families.
Gilda Gaytan, 16, and her two sisters, 8-year-old Claudia Trujillo and 11-year-old Mareli Trujillo, lost their mother, Rosalva Rivera, in August to breast cancer. She was 43.
When asked about the one more week, each of the girls wanted to talk to their mom, and help her more.
“And, if we had money, I would go to Disneyland with her,” said Mareli, who also wanted to do all of the chores for her mom.
The three girls participate in the agency’s student grief support groups at their schools. Claudia is in third grade at Elim Elementary School, Mareli is in sixth grade at Hilmar Middle School and Gilda is a junior at Hilmar High School.
(To donate to A Book of Dreams, click here)
Nearly everyone has experienced the death of a loved one, but children and teens process grief much differently than adults. Their age and developmental stage significantly influence how they cope.
Behavior changes, from acting out to withdrawing, can be seen with grief at any age. Some children and teens develop signs of post traumatic stress disorder or anxiety.
The American Academy of Pediatrics recommends letting children and teens talk first about the loved one’s death. This helps adults gauge where the kids are emotionally and developmentally, so they can tailor support to the children’s needs. At times, additional help, such as support groups or therapists, is needed.
And that’s where Jessica’s House, one of this year’s featured agencies in The Bee’s “A Book of Dreams” program, comes in.
Mission of Jessica’s House
Nine-year-old Jessica Everett died from leukemia in 2004, but her family’s compassion for those grieving the loss of a loved one continues at the charity bearing her name.
The philosophy around Jessica’s House is that everyone grieves in their own way, but they shouldn’t do it alone.
“Our founder and CEO, Erin Nelson’s husband died in an accident when her kids were 3 and 5,” said Davis Woods, director of development for Jessica’s House.
He said Nelson couldn’t find support for her grieving children. She joined with others, including Jessica’s parents, who also had a young son, to develop resources. They opened Jessica’s House in 2012 in partnership with Emanuel Medical Center.
Nelson is taking family leave, because her 20-year-old son, Carter, was killed in a car crash at the end of September.
The primary location for Jessica’s House is in Turlock on Main Street in a corner house decorated with pumpkins and fall colors. The inside is cozy and feels hopeful, like a kindergarten classroom attached to a favorite aunt’s living room. The walls are covered with kids’ art, the rooms are full of toys and crayons, and cookies are waiting on the coffee table.
At this site, they operate groups dedicated for those who lost siblings, parents, grandparents or loved ones to suicide or homicide. The Heart Strings group is specifically for those who’ve suffered pregnancy or infant loss and was started by Melissa Ahlem, coordinator for school support at the agency.
Volunteers and trained facilitators run the programs, which are free.
The groups encourage participants to talk about their feelings and they also include therapeutic art and play and fun activities, such as corn hole and basketball, to help the kids feel comfortable.
School districts in Turlock, Hilmar, Ceres and Gustine host student support groups, which provide the same services offered at the Turlock location.
Last year, Jessica’s House provided care for almost 1,000 individuals. The cost is about $1,500 per child per year, including support services, therapeutic art supplies and other equipment.
Davis said the Book of Dreams funds will be valuable for serving the kids.
In addition, Jessica’s House offers a crisis response team that aids schools, law enforcement and emergency responders in times of critical events involving children.
Grieving their mother’s death
Since their mother’s death, the three girls have been in the care of their maternal aunts, Adriana Rivera and Rocio Rivera and her husband.
“The girls are good,” said Adriana Rivera through a Spanish interpreter. She said the support groups have helped them adjust.
“We did activities that made us express our emotions and gathering together made us feel better,” said Gilda, “They talked to us and encouraged us.”
Ahlem started at Jessica’s House as a volunteer after the loss of her pregnancy.
She described the hard work that takes place in getting those in grief to open up.
“We always start our groups with check-in,” she said. “Our activities then lead into memories about their loved ones or hopes that they wish they could’ve shared with them.”
“Check-in” means checking in about the students’ feelings at the beginning of group, using tools such as choosing a picture to reflect their emotions or a question to start the discussion.
Mareli described her favorite group activity of drawing the three doors — one each for the past, present and the future. In her past door, her mom was sick. In the present door, her mom died and in the future door, Mareli said she would be strong and become a doctor.
All three girls readily recommended Jessica’s House to other grieving children.
“They can have their feelings, but when they’re at Jessica’s House, you can let your feelings out,” said Mareli.
“Jessica’s House does help you cope with feelings in a healthy way,” said Gilda.
Even Claudia, the youngest, could articulate what she learned about grief support. She said, “Every time somebody’s sad, you can help them.”
This story was produced with financial support from The Stanislaus County Office of Education and the Stanislaus Community Foundation, along with the GroundTruth Project’s Report for America initiative. The Modesto Bee maintains full editorial control of this work.
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Our Featured Agencies
Nov. 10: 2018 donations make an impact
Nov. 17: Jessica’s House, Turlock
Nov. 24: Center for Human Services, Stanislaus County
Dec. 1: Cricket’s Hope, Oakdale
Dec. 8: Haven Youth Center, Modesto
Dec. 15: Learning Quest, Modesto
To donate online, go to www.modbee.com/donate2bod
This story was originally published November 16, 2019 at 3:11 PM.
