Calling for tolerance: Gay community takes stand against bullying

On Wednesday, Adrian Mendoza, 19, stood in Merced College's quad, along with a handful of other students dressed in purple, and handed out fliers for the school's Students Advocating for Equality (SAFE Club), purple ribbons and a list of suicide hotline numbers.

The group was trying to inform students about Spirit Day -- a national event meant to raise awareness about gay bullying and to remember those who recently took their own lives as a result of gay abuse.

Spirit Day was founded by teenager Brittany McMillan earlier this month. She asked people to wear the color purple to support members of the LGBT (Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual and Transgender) community who have been bullied, according to The Gay and Lesbian Alliance Against Defamation.

Recently, more than five teenagers across the country, including one 13-year-old boy from Tehachapi, committed suicide after experiencing charged taunting by their peers about their sexual orientation.

The recent string of suicides sparked after Tyler Clementi, a freshman at Rutgers University, jumped off the George Washington Bridge last month after his roommate secretly videotaped Clementi's sexual encounter with another male student.

"Bullying is real and it does happen," Mendoza said. "Our club is here for students and nonstudents."

Across the nation, efforts have been made to curb bullying in schools and universities.

The Safe Schools Improvement Act (HR 2262), a U.S. House of Representatives-sponsored bill, would create comprehensive and standardized anti-bullying policies for people of different sexual orientation or gender identity as well as religion and national origin.

In a town like Merced that in some ways leans toward conservative politics, some members of the LGBT community have said they've endured years of bullying and harassment from their peers.

Mendoza is one of them.

When he thinks of his high school experience he thinks of the name-calling and humiliation he experienced daily from students -- not at just one county high school, but four.

He started ninth grade at Buhach Colony High School, and he and his friend were the only two openly gay students he knew of, he said.

"Kids would say hateful things," he said. "We were really alone. I went to talk to the school counselor, and they asked me what was wrong, but I didn't feel comfortable talking to them."

He left Buhach during the second half of his sophomore year for Merced High School, which was better, but he said the harassment still continued.

He recalled one incident in his English class when students sitting next to him loudly spoke about disliking gay people, he said.

Mendoza left Merced High School because of weak grades to attend Yosemite High School, where he said he didn't feel comfortable at all. He finally graduated from Valley High School.

His experiences affected his feelings about school and education in general. "I hated school," he said. "I could have excelled, but I chose not to."

But Mendoza is giving school another try.

Today, he's an on-again, off-again student at Merced College. He's also the vice president of the SAFE club.

He said he wants to continue with school, but also wants to leave Merced. "I feel the most comfortable with myself now," he said. "I think Merced is a very close-minded town and there's not a lot of opportunity here."

Younger members of the LGBT community may not have the option to move to more socially progressive towns to escape harassment.

One former Atwater High School student took legal action against the high school district for allowing the alleged bullying she experienced to continue.

Amanda Sandoval, a transsexual woman, attended Atwater High School more than five years ago and claimed she was threatened and physically and verbally harassed by students. She filed a lawsuit against the Merced Union High School District (MUHSD) in 2006. Sandoval said they settled outside of court.

In court documents, she alleged students called her "faggot," "queer" and threw things at her on a daily basis.

Sandoval now lives in Los Angeles, but said while in high school students would call her names that offended her. "I didn't take school seriously because they didn't take me seriously," she said. "They robbed me of my education."

The high school district said it couldn't comment on the case.

The school's current principal, Alan Peterson, said he became principal in 2009 after those events took place.

The school did implement a program to curb bullying called Character Counts, a national education program that embraces six values: trustworthiness, respect, responsibility, fairness, caring and citizenship, Peterson said.

"We talk about how to treat each other with respect," Peterson said. "Kids are in high school and they are going to make mistakes. It's our job to point those out to them. It's our job to communicate expectations and when they are not met to punish accordingly."

All of the schools in the MUHSD have adopted the Character Counts program, but some schools are going a step further.

Larry Lopez, activities director at Merced High School, said bullying happens everywhere. He's not sure of the extent it happens at Merced High School, he said.

But Lopez has made it a priority to stop bullying against LGBT students. Last week, Lopez collected signatures from 200 students who pledged not to use the word "gay" in a negative context. "There are always going to be bullies out there, but there needs to be more people who stand up for what they believe in, even if it's against what's accepted," Lopez said.

Buhach Colony High School said it couldn't comment on allegations of bullying. Calls placed to the MUHSD about the alleged harassment weren't returned.

One college-aged lesbian couple, Lucy Renteria and Andrea Mercado, has made it their mission to make Merced a little more accepting, starting with the founding of the UC Merced LAMBDA Alliance, an organization that provides a safe haven for the LGBT community.

Mercado, a UC Merced senior, started the club in 2008 after she came out as a lesbian.

When Mercado first moved to Merced, she identified herself as straight and lived with a boyfriend, but one day she decided she was fed up with living a lie and confessed to him she was a lesbian, she said. At the time she didn't know anybody at UC Merced who identified themselves as gay, so she founded UC Merced's first LGBT club, Lamda Alliance, an organization that provides a safe haven for the LGBT community, in 2008. "I just wanted to create a space for myself that I couldn't find," she said.

At first, there were only six members, but now about 30 students attend every meeting.

Mercado said she sympathizes with high school students, who may not have access to organizations like the LAMBDA Alliance, to look to for support. "If you're home, maybe your parents are anti-gay and maybe it's the same with your school," Mercado said.

Merced High School is the only school in the Merced Union High School District that has an LGBT club, which is called the Merced High School Gay Straight Alliance (GSA).

Mercado's advice to high school students who may be getting harassed is to realize that high school is temporary and they can find a more accepting town or schools when they graduate. Students should also find groups in the community that are LGBT-friendly for support, she added.

Mercado said she came out to her mother recently, and her mother said she couldn't accept Mercado's lifestyle. But they still have a relationship, Mercado said.

UC Merced LGBT students feel marginalized from the greater Merced community, Mercado said. The school's LAMBDA Alliance is an oasis of tolerance for her in a largely conservative town.

Although Mercado and Renteria said they're comfortable with their own sexuality, they aren't comfortable expressing it in most parts of Merced. In fact, they said they could only list a few establishments where they felt completely comfortable holding hands in public.

But they hope to change that.

The group has connected with the various LGBT groups in the area, such as the SAFE Club, the Merced High School GSA and the local Parents and Friends of Lesbians and Gays (PFLAG), to create stickers that businesses can post on their windows to show the community that they are LGBT-friendly establishments.

Renteria came up with the idea and design after seeing similar stickers in Palm Springs. "I'm not a student here and I'm all for LGBT rights," she said. "This is my way of planting the seed for equality."

The mock-up for the sticker displays an image of a rainbow flag with the words, "Proud Ally," typed underneath.

The sticker should be ready in a couple of weeks, then members of the local LGBT clubs will contact businesses and ask if they would like a sticker.

Renteria and Mercado said they hope that with this small seed, tolerance will begin to bloom.

Reporter Jamie Oppenheim can be reached at (209)385-2407 or joppenheim@mercedsun-star.com.

This story was originally published October 23, 2010 at 2:30 AM with the headline "Calling for tolerance: Gay community takes stand against bullying."