Catchy songs are in the ear of the listener

A yearlong study in the United Kingdom revealed the top 20 “catchiest” songs, with the results recently released.

As it generally goes with lists like this, it’s completely ridiculous.

No offense to the researchers, who apparently are all sciencey and everything from the University of Amsterdam, but how can anyone decide the most catchy songs from just a random sampling of people – 12,000 in this case – and a limited sampling of songs?

Plus, the term “catchy” ought to signify something that you want to catch, as opposed to an earworm – a song that you’d gleefully allow a newborn monkey with a pair of long, sharp tweezers to dig into your brain and pull out through your ears if it would get that nasty thing out of your head. Say, for instance, a song like “Mambo No. 5” from Lou Bega, which came in at No. 2 on the list.

But that’s just my opinion. Your opinion might be different. Heck, you might like “Mambo No. 5.” And while that is so very, very sad for you, you still are entitled to your opinion.

Nevertheless, a list like this is ridiculous.

According to Internet reports on the study, users were directed to a special website where they could play an online game called Hooked on Music, which contained clips from 1,000 songs from the past 70 years, the top-selling tracks of each decade since the 1940s. So, what about the other gazillion songs recorded since the 1940s? None of them get to be “catchy”?

Since researchers went back to the 1940s, that means folks in their 80s and down all should have been equally included in the online participation-based study to represent a range of age synonymous with the range of decades.

Yet Hansen’s “MMMbop” landed at No. 12. Do you know anyone in their 80s who would recognize “MMMbop”? Neither do I. Which, by the way, is reason for all people in their 80s to now thank me for pointing out one of the top benefits to being in your 80s.

You’re welcome.

The oldest songs on the top 20 list came from Elvis Presley. Seems like Sinatra and his contemporaries got the short end of the stick on this one. I’d recognize “Fly Me to the Moon” before “MMMbop” or “Mambo No. 5” and I’m nowhere near my 80s. Or 70s, for that matter.

The list was based on the number of seconds it takes a listener to recognize a song. That doesn’t make the songs catchy, it just makes them recognizable. Is recognizable synonymous with catchy? I’d say no. You can recognize a song and then have it leave your head once you turn it off, particularly if it’s weak.

A catchy song is something that makes you want to sing along, one that you happily hum. You can recognize a song and want to immediately change radio station so it doesn’t get stuck in your head.

According to cnet.com, the next step for researchers will be examining the musical features that make a song “catchy.” Not to be questioning scientists and musicologists who are, without a doubt, far more intelligent than I, but shouldn’t “catchy” have been defined before a study deciding what’s most “catchy” was conducted? Just saying.

None of this is to suggest that the list is made up only of earworms. There are good songs on there, too; songs like “Billy Jean” by Michael Jackson at No. 15, “Don’t You Want Me” by Human League at No. 9 and “Candle in the Wind” from Elton John at No. 20.

To be fair, the No. 1 song is pretty recognizable and catchy, too – “Wannabe” from the Spice Girls. Remember, this is a U.K. list. But that does raise another question: Nothing by the Beatles? Really?

And while Aerosmith graced the list with its “I Don’t Want to Miss a Thing” at No. 10, don’t you want to ring up the scientists and ask them exactly whom they were polling, given the fact that one of the most immediately recognizable and, yes, catchy, Aerosmith songs ever recorded is “Dream On,” which is missing from the roundup?

See, ridiculous.

The ultimate goal of researchers is a noble one – to apply it to the study of people with dementia. But to put out the information as a list of the “catchiest songs” is out of step. Songs and individual reactions to them are too subjective.

The one song that didn’t surprise – once I realized this was not a list of good “catchy” songs but a list of whackadoodle “all over the map” songs – was the No. 3 “Eye of the Tiger” from Survivor. Horribly recognizable. Major earworm. Sticks in the brain until you want to peel off your own skin. It only takes 2.62 seconds, researchers report, to launch just that brand of hell.

Honestly, it would take me a very long time – read: eternity – to recognize “Rivers of Babylon” by Boney M (No. 19) because I’ve never heard it. Well, I hadn’t heard it until Googling the song and confirming that I’d never heard it.

I forgot it immediately. Not catchy at all.

This story was originally published November 6, 2014 at 9:44 AM with the headline "Catchy songs are in the ear of the listener."