Ron White skips the scotch, but never a chance to get funnier

Do not be fooled by Ron White.

The man who famously proclaimed you can’t fix stupid has built his image as a comedy superstar as a cigar-chomping, scotch-sipping truth-teller. Except, wait for it, that’s not scotch in his glass – at least not anymore. Yep, it’s true. Ron White drinks tequila now.

“That’s all I drink, and believe me, it is the the best drink of liquor on the planet,” said White, who may be a tad biased because he co-owns the company. “I didn’t do this for any other reason than I fell in love with this tequila.”

White, who rose to fame as part of the wildly successful Blue Collar Comedy Tour, partnered with his brother-in-law in the Mexican tequila label Number Juan Tequila a few years ago. Since then he has become a convert to the small-batch distillery and its products. He’ll bring a glass with him to his sold-out show at Gallo Center for the Arts on Friday, Sept. 16.

But just because his drink of choice may have changed, everything else about the Texas native’s straight-shooting storytelling style remains the same – or he hopes even better – than when he started out. White spoke with The Modesto Bee from his Southern California home recently about his Blue Collar roots, his still-active presidential campaign, his foray into series television and more.

Q: So last November you announced your candidacy for president. How’s that going?

A: Well, it’s going amazingly well. I’m going to let these two clowns destroy each other, and I’ll just swoop in at the end and win it all and lead you guys to the promised land. It has been a great year for someone like me to come in and win because people aren’t too happy with the choices.

Q: Could you have predicted when you threw your hat in the race last year that it would be where it is now? As a comedian, is this good for you, or something you prefer not to touch?

A: I genuinely thought Trump was a joke; I thought he was doing it for publicity. But he turned it all into Donald Trump’s reality show. I also immediately saw how serious my fans were about me being leader of the free world – and I was like, you guys are whack. They wanted to know where to send contributions. Just because I’m popular and a good public speaker. And others, they continue to take Donald seriously. That’s how gullible people can be – Trump is proving that right now.

But, no, I don’t really go there in my comedy. I’m there to make people laugh, and that’s my only goal. I do mention this race briefly because of a couple of good jokes. But I don’t really take sides. I’m surely not going to vote for one person, and I don’t want to vote for anyone else. I don’t know what I’m going to do. But I’m there to make people laugh and forget about politicians.

Q: You were famously part of the Blue Collar Comedy Tour. When that group formed, did you have a sense it would be as big as it would be?

A: Nobody had any idea it would do what it has. The biggest comedy tour in the history of spoken word. More than 20,000 people coming at the end. It was a phenomenon. It was an amazing thing, and I don’t know where I’d be without it. I would not be where I am right this second, that’s for sure.

People seem to really want me to do it again with them. But I’m a little rowdy for those boys. They’re all great, but I love them to death. I’m not saying there’s not a chance. But for right now, we’re all really, really busy doing other things.

Q: One of those things, for you, is the new Showtime series “Roadies,” which premiered in June. You play the band’s legendary road manager. What drew you to that project?

A: Well, the casting director was a brilliant woman named Gail Levin, and Gail is a fan of mine and always kept an eye out for me. Television has always courted me to come do something and was something I never wanted to do. I never had done it. I make a really good living doing stand-up. My deal with fans is I’m not going to drag them to a piece of garbage to make money. TV is not that fun because you have to commit to it, and if you don’t like it, it is not that fun.

So I always said no to everything – TV, movies – all that shiny crap they offer you as a celebrity. Because I had said no to all that crap, they said: “Ron White, we need to get him down there.” My best friend, who was my road manager, was 61 years old and dying of cancer. And then I got the call to read as road manger. I was in Steve’s room and I said, “I’m playing you.” I went to (show creator Cameron Crowe’s) office and opened my mouth and sobbed for 20 minutes, uncontrollably. I don’t know why it happened then. I got up and left and said, “Well, I don’t think that is what they were looking for.” But Cameron thought it was exactly what they were looking for.

He was at the house last night, with 15 cast members at the house. We watched Episode 8, which was my swan song. The whole episode was me on the tour bus telling a story. It’s an amazing episode.

My road manger, he died three weeks later (after the audition). He ran my life – I was with him every day. He kept people away from me I didn’t want to be around. He made sure everything I didn’t want to do myself was done. He just caught a really (expletive) horrible break. We were little kids together, lived next door together and then lived together until we were in our 30s or so. Then I left. He and I always stayed in touch. When I started making money in theaters, I was able to go get him.

Q: Would you ever consider doing television full time?

A: Louis C.K. said this the other day: When doing something else besides stand-up, you aren’t as good a comic. When you’re not going to clubs every night and doing 15-minute sets working on new material, talking about comedy. When you’re doing all that stuff, you stay more creative. When you’re working 14-hour days and in a trailer all day, it’s not creative.

Q: How do you think your comedy has evolved since when you began? How long did it take you to feel fully yourself on stage?

A: Well, you know, it takes a long time. I’ve been doing it 30 years. You think you got it at three years, but you don’t. It’s kind of funny; I hang out with young comics. A lot of the big comics come do sets at these places, too. But very few hang out, smoke pot in the back, drink booze with them. I like to talk with comics about comedy. I just enjoy it and am in a better mood when I do it. I knew the first time I walked on stage. It dawned on me – I was 29 years old – my brain doesn’t do anything right except comedy. So it dawned on me: “Oh, I’m a comedian. Why didn’t anyone tell me?”

I still can look back on stuff I did when I had been doing stand-up for 20 years. look at it and be appalled by it. You can either grow as an artist in this form or you can be stagnant. A lot of people rest on their laurels. But the only way to stay relevant, do what I do – and Chris Rock and Dave Chappelle and Louis C.K. do – is go out and work quick sets every night. That’s how you develop material. I hope I look back 10 years from now and hate what I’m doing now. I hope I continue to grow like an artist.

So I doubt I’ll do television again. I prayed to the universe to make me a famous comedian, and it did. So it would feel weird trumping the universe and not doing it.

This story was originally published September 7, 2016 at 11:49 AM with the headline "Ron White skips the scotch, but never a chance to get funnier."