When you’re in the ICU with COVID-19, it’s too late to ask for the vaccine | Opinion

When I finally got a new N95 mask after six months, I held the old one in my hands and realized how thin and frayed it had become. It was literally breaking down from months of sweat, breath, and tears. I had been breathing through something that was barely there. And I hadn’t noticed. I was too busy helping people survive.

That’s what working through the pandemic was like. You didn’t have time to think about what was falling apart. You were too busy holding it up.

I’m a critical care nurse in Missouri. During the worst of COVID-19, our intensive care unit overflowed. Rooms weren’t enough, so we made beds in the halls. Personal protective equipment was rationed and reused. Families said goodbye over the phone. We worked through everything because we had to.

And one of the hardest things I remember wasn’t the chaos. It was the patients who waited too long to believe.

There wasn’t just one. There were many. Patient after patient, strapped into BiPAP machines that sealed over their faces, forcing oxygen into lungs that could no longer function on their own. Eyes wide with panic. Mouths dry from the pressure. Every breath a battle.

Over and over, I would hear the same thing. They would take the mask off for just a few seconds, which was all they could spare, and ask me the same question.

“Can I get the vaccine now?”

Each time, I had to tell them no.

I’m sorry. It’s too late. Your body won’t have time to build immunity now.

And I would help them put the mask back on, because oxygen couldn’t wait for explanations.

Some nodded. Some cried. Some didn’t speak again.

These weren’t one-offs. This wasn’t rare. It became routine. We heard that question more times than I can count. People who had refused the shot. People who said it was political. People who didn’t think they were at risk. Now they couldn’t breathe, couldn’t eat, couldn’t rest, couldn’t survive without machines. And they realized, just in time to ask for help, that the help they needed had come too late.

The BiPAPs were loud, heavy, relentless. It’s not like wearing an oxygen mask. It’s air pushed into your body at high pressure, around the clock. Your face is strapped in. You can’t talk. You can’t sleep. You panic, and there’s no way to pull away. That’s what not sick enough to be intubated yet looks like.

I’m not writing this to shame anyone. I’m writing it because we were the ones in the room when it mattered. We were the last people some of these patients saw. We heard their final questions. And someone needs to carry those forward.

They weren’t bad people. They were scared. They were misled. They were failed by the noise, the spin and the systems that made them doubt what could have saved them.

If you still think this can’t happen to you, think again. COVID-19 isn’t gone.

If you still think the vaccine isn’t worth it, ask yourself how many people begged for it with their last breaths.

Because I lost count.

And I still hear them.

This story was originally published June 22, 2025 at 5:04 AM with the headline "When you’re in the ICU with COVID-19, it’s too late to ask for the vaccine | Opinion."