Dating violence is common. Turlock teens teach legislators, peers about prevention
Despite her fear of public speaking, Turlock teenager Brooklyn Jaen stood on the north steps of the Capitol in Sacramento this month and talked about surviving an emotionally abusive boyfriend.
“This boy I met made me feel really bad about myself,” said Brooklyn, 17, “Anything I did was wrong, and I somehow found a way to blame myself. I let my own insecurities convince me that it was all on me.”
Brooklyn chose to tell her story during the annual February teen dating violence awareness and prevention event to help educate the public and legislators about the issue, ideally to garner more funding for prevention programs.
She’s a junior at Pitman High School and a member of Healthy and Responsible Relationship Troop (HARRT), sponsored by Modesto’s Haven Women’s Center youth services.
At Beyer High, Brooklyn tearfully talked about her dating experience after the group’s bus returned from Sacramento.
She said she fell behind in her school work, sometimes didn’t eat or shower, and became isolated from friends to please the boyfriend. The relationship sent her spiraling further into depression, which she had been struggling with most of her life.
“The problem is I never recognized it as abuse,” Brooklyn said.
But it was, and it’s called “gaslighting,” which is intentionally using psychological means to manipulate someone into questioning reality. The term was coined after the play adapted into the 1944 movie “Gaslight,” in which an abusive husband uses deception, including dimming the gas lights, to trick his wife into thinking she’s insane.
Haven’s dating violence prevention program
“HARRT is designed to be a youth-led adolescent relationship abuse prevention program,” said Holly Grace Currie, the youth services manager at Haven Women’s Center.
Seven area high schools have HARRT programs, and about 250 students participated in 2018.
Currie said the school-based program is led by students with the goal to empower and educate teens about the warning signs of an abusive relationship and to learn the characteristics of a healthy relationship from their peers.
In addition to HARRT, Haven’s youth programs related to violence include community education, an emergency shelter, peer support groups and a 24-hour crisis line.
Haven provides support services for survivors of domestic violence, sexual abuse and human trafficking regardless of gender identity, immigration status or sexual orientation.
What is intimate partner violence?
Intimate partner violence includes physical violence, sexual violence, stalking or psychological harm by a current or former partner or spouse, according to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention.
Currie described examples of the kinds of abuse, including:
- Physical — causing bodily harm, such as hitting, kicking, slapping
- Sexual — coercion, rape, sexual harassment
- Emotional — name-calling, threatening to harm self, loved ones or pets
- Mental — intimidation, stalking, gaslighting
- Digital — cyberbullying, harassing on social media, excessive texting, demanding passwords
- Economic — taking the partner’s money, prohibiting a partner from working, controlling the money
Nationwide and in California, about 1 in 10 high schoolers in a dating relationship report partner violence of some kind, including forced sexual activity or physical abuse, among others.
In Stanislaus County, nearly nine calls per 1,000 adults, ages 18-69, related to domestic violence were placed to law enforcement agencies in 2018, according to the California Department of Justice. The rate is similar to surrounding counties.
Data aren’t available for calls made in the county by those younger than 18.
Although partner violence occurs among people of all demographic profiles and genders, young women between 16 and 24 have the highest rate of violence by a partner, compared to all other age groups. Nearly one in nine teen girls experience physical abuse from a dating partner.
Both boys and girls living in low-income households, LGBTQ teens and women who are minority or of multiple ethnicities also have higher rates of partner violence.
However, the federal Office for Victims of Crimes cautions that the full burden of partner violence isn’t known, as it believes that the crimes are profoundly under-reported.
Teens who are victims in abusive or violent relationships suffer short-term and long-term health effects.
They’re more likely to suffer mental health problems, such as depression, anxiety and considering suicide, compared to peers. They also participate in more risk-taking behaviors such as using drugs or alcohol, and they are more likely to be victims of abusive relationships in adulthood.
Because of its extent, the CDC recognizes intimate partner violence as a serious and preventable public health threat.
Awareness and prevention
As part of the effort to stop teen dating violence, the CDC developed Dating Matters: Strategies to Promote Healthy Teen Relationships, which teaches skills for healthy relationships to 11- to 14-year-old adolescents before they start dating.
Also viewing violence as a public health burden, the California Department of Public Health in 2019 launched a violence prevention initiative, including domestic violence, to understand the causes and identify programs to reduce violence throughout the state.
Haven’s HARRT materials teach the qualities of a healthy relationship, such as mutual respect, trust, honesty and good communication.
Paris Moore, a junior in HARRT at Pitman High School, said, “HARRT teaches you how to understand if you’re in an unhealthy relationship. They teach how to resolve conflicts with your partner healthily and to have respectful, great relationships. It teaches you how to be a good person.”
She said she genuinely believes anyone of any age could benefit from the lessons in HARRT, and her sentiments were echoed by Brooklyn and fellow troop members.
Brooklyn said she joined HARRT to help others who may be in situations similar to hers. She was able to break free of the abusive relationship, in part due to support of her friends, her mother and therapy. She said now it’s easier for her to recognize when someone is not treating her well.
“I think it’s really important to be talking with the young people in your life about what is and isn’t a healthy relationship,” said Currie. “If you know of a youth maybe not in the healthiest relationship, consider calling Haven for some of our services.”
This story was produced with financial support from The Stanislaus County Office of Education and the Stanislaus Community Foundation, along with the GroundTruth Project’s Report for America initiative. The Modesto Bee maintains full editorial control of this work.
