Reading time, two minutes:
How can the NFL "downgrade" referee Ed Hochuli after his blown call handed the Denver Broncos a victory? Do you dare mess with him? Have you seen his arms?
Hochuli, reportedly miserable, will give up his biceps and triceps to reverse the call.
All the 49er progress circles the drain if they collapse against Detroit.
Sign Up and Save
Get six months of free digital access to The Modesto Bee
As the coaches stagger: The Lions' Rod Marinelli (10-24) vs. the 49ers' Mike Nolan (17-33).
The game ends, the Raiders belt the Chiefs, and Lane Kiffin is avoided as though he has the chicken pox.
After Mike Nolan verbally strafes Alex Smith last year and the Raiders circulate propaganda against their coach this week, there's only one conclusion: The 49ers and the Raiders enjoy eating their own.
Our hunch: Kiffin dismissed around the bye week (Oct. 5), while Al Davis' lawyers try to suspend his salary due to insubordination.
Seeking entertainment tonight? Check out receiver Marcus Allen and the Modesto Junior College Pirates against Santa Rosa.
We'll make one exception for high school nicknames: Los Banos' Rubal Sangha, the "Showman."
How refreshing that a high school band actually performed at halftime last week. Way to go, Enochs.
Yankee Stadium, opened in 1923, echoes the words of the late Mel Allen: Going, going, gone!"
Funny: Michael Phelps described his hosting "Saturday Night Live" as "like, the ninth-greatest moment of my life."
No truth to the rumor that the government plans to bail out the Nationals (58-95).
Inspect the distance between the Sierra and the Altamont. That's the gap between USC and the rest of the Pac-10.
This just in: Ohio State can't play on the big stage.
The Giants' incoming managing general partner William Neukom probably will keep general manager Brian Sabean. Wise move. He gets one more season.
Memo to the Eagles' DeSean Jackson: To make your life easier, and to decrease the number of self-inflicted wounds by fantasy geeks, cross the goal line first.
More Tour de France riders may have used EPO. And Lance Armstrong wants to jump back into this cesspool?
The Brewers, fighting for the playoffs, fire manager Ned Yost with two weeks to go. Smells like a Selig job.
Syracuse unveiled a statue of 1961 Heisman Trophy winner Ernie Davis with Nike swooshes on his cleats and uniform. One problem: Nike didn't exist in 1961.
Syracuse's unconfirmed explanation: "Since Nike has paid us big-time, we'll adjust history."
About O.J. Simpson's trial on kidnapping and armed robbery charges: Nordberg, Simpson's hapless character in the "Naked Gun" movies, would have been proud.
From a difficult career at Stanford to a fast start at Buffalo: Quarterback Trent Edwards.
Denver coach Mike Shanahan, beneficiary of two golden breaks from the officials vs. the Chargers, gambled and hit the 2-point conversion for the win. Overheard on the sideline: "Let it roll, baby!"
Shanahan hasn't been this lucky since John Elway was his quarterback.
Hochuli at 4 a.m.: "After further review, I'm so sorry."
Bee sports columnist Ron Agostini can be reached at email@example.com or 578-2302.