With apologies to the Bard:
He who steals my purse steals trash. But he who steals my trash, ay, there's the rub. To dive or not to dive, that is the question. Whether it be nobler in the mind to suffer hunger and poverty or to take arms against a sea of troubles, and by scavenging, end them. I come to scold trash pickers, not to praise them. Our noble leaders have told you that Dumpster divers are thieves and our noble leaders are honorable men. You have seen these divers clothed in rags, looking hungry. Thieves should be made of sterner stuff, yet our leaders say they are thieves, and our leaders are honorable men.
I speak not to disprove what our leaders spoke, but here I am to speak what I do know. O judgment, thou art fled to brutish beasts and men have lost their reason. My heart is in the Dumpster and I must pause till it come back to me.
Digital Access for only $0.99
For the most comprehensive local coverage, subscribe today.