The holidays can be full of boredom, embarrassing events involving crazy relatives and broken bones (and we aren't just talking about the meat). Luckily, we've compiled a guide to survive this wonderful time in hopes that by the end of the day you aren't finding yourself envying the roast beef.
Now all you have to do is devise a plan to sit as far away as possible from your Aunt Betty ...
YOU ARE STUCK AT THE KIDS TABLE
- Tell all the kids that you personally know Hannah Montana/Dora the Explorer/Big Bird. By the end of the day you may have a group of pint-size worshippers.
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- Tell her you left your hoop skirt/trousers and suspenders at home.
- Say yes, but he/she couldn't come because he/she is traveling with the band/getting that tattoo removed/still on house arrest.
- Demand money. If they say no, threaten to go on strike. If the Writers Guild can do it, you can, too.
- Ask them about the '70s. Those stories can be really funny.
- Tell them you would much rather backpack across Europe.
- Declare right then that you have decided to eat only meat.
- Keep one eye on the host. When she/he unfolds an origami-esque napkin, do the same. When she/he grabs a fork, do the same. Relax. Somebody else has to wash all this stuff.
- Whatever happens, if you can, let Grandma win.