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Won't happen again, until next year: Colin Kaepernick (Nevada) vs. Tom Brandstater (Fresno State), Turlock quarterbacks facing off last week in a Division I football game.
Kaepernick is 6-foot-6. Brandstater is 6-5. Conclusion: Stuff grows in Turlock.
Turlock's Paul Larson, the Cal quarterback during the early 1950s, had to wonder, "Where were those genes during my time?"
About Kaepernick's off-the-bench 384 yards passing, four touchdowns and one rushing TD: Why wasn't he the starter?
Stanford's basketball workouts this week at Cal State Stanislaus reminded observers that the Warriors received $4,000 for a trip a few years ago to UC Irvine ... and then they whipped the Anteaters.
Stanislaus' record vs. Division 1-A opponents: 1-39!
When the NFL dials 911, Vinny Testaverde (Panthers) answers.
Cal's talking points today vs. Oregon State: Nate Longshore's gimpy ankle, Kevin Riley waiting in the wings to pinch-hit, and DeSean Jackson's Heisman Trophy Express (stalling or highballing down the track?)
Many heads of state will be on the Stanford campus today for homecoming, and they're all dwarfs next to USC killer Tavita Pritchard.
Cal is ranked No. 2, but not for long if it labors against the Beavers while Ohio State rolls vs. Kent State.
For shock value, Stanford's win rivaled the Americans' "Miracle On Ice" stunning of the Soviets at the 1980 Winter Olympics.
Not sure what's worse: Franklin High's systematic pipelining of football players from American Samoa, or Stockton school officials' issuing a virtual "Problem? What problem?"
At which point did last year's Raider offensive line switch uniforms and join this year's 49ers?
The 49ers have established a suggestion box for players. A popular entry: Try making a first down.
Or another: Complete a pass 10 yards downfield.
Or another: Reintroduce yourself to Ashley Lelie.
Fred Stanley's top priority as the Giants' new director of player development: Produce position starters.
Doubtful if major league owners would welcome Mark Cuban (Cubs?) into their fold. Sort of like the frat-house prankster throwing water balloons in the boardroom.
Then again: Historians might compare Cuban to the zany and try-anything Bill Veeck.
Strong supporting cast and fascinating potential, but: Until he arrives, let's wait until the Cowboys' Tony Romo develops as a quarterback.
Patriots-Cowboys fireworks waiting to be launched: Randy Moss vs. Terrell Owens.
What might be dawning on George Steinbrenner: There is no one out there better than Joe Torre.
A scenario to die for: Steinbrenner finally invites Torre back, and Torre says, "Sorry, I'm out of here."
Not televised: Jan Moorad, the wife of Diamondbacks CEO Jeffrey Moorad (Downey, MJC), sang "God Bless America" during the seventh-inning stretch Thursday night.
George Gipp's body, buried in 1920, was exhumed for DNA testing. Notre Dame officials reportedly asked Gipp if he had any eligibility left.
Lost in the shuffle of Fresno State's wild 49-41 win at Reno: Wolf Pack defensive captain Matt Hines (Beyer) blocked a field goal but wasn't given credit for the play.
Kaepernick's first start Sunday night takes place on the blue turf at Boise State and will be shown on ESPN. Translation: He's thrown into the deep end and is told, "Flap your arms!"
Bee sports columnist Ron Agostini can be reached at email@example.com or 578-2302.