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From now on, any feel-good story in sports requires a disclaimer, something like "This is too good to be true, therefore it's not true."
St. Louis Cardinals fans need the disclaimer after Mark McGwire and, today, Rick Ankiel.
Say this about Barry Bonds and BALCO: We figured a long time ago they weren't alone.
Never miss a local story.
HGH stands for Haplessly Gone Honor.
Thank the stars we still have high school football, our last hope for the best of sports -- we hope.
Starting Monday at noon: the season's first meeting of the Modesto Quarterback Club at Hero's Sports Lounge.
Four runs in two playoff games means the Modesto Nuts have vanished for 2007.
Amazing and true: Ceres' Mark Ferguson, one of the stars in the Modesto Athletics' march to the 1982 California League title, played against Julio Franco and Roger Clemens in the minors.
The ease of Appalachian State's game-winning field-goal block tells you Michigan wasn't prepared to play. Trouble ahead for Lloyd Carr.
While no one was looking: Texas was saved by a horrible call late in its win over vaunted Arkansas State.
Tennessee's Phil Fulmer said he would punt to Cal's DeSean Jackson. So does Colorado State coach Sonny Lubick today. A note to both: Not even USC's Pete Carroll punts to Jackson!
Cal lost at home to Colorado State in 2003, information no doubt passed on by Jeff Tedford.
One more coast-to-coast job by Jackson, and he's a serious Heisman Trophy candidate. Returner-receivers can't win it, you say? Check Tim Brown (1987) and Desmond Howard ('91).
If The Associated Press can repair its rankings system in four days (adding lower-division teams), the BCS also can be fixed.
Peyton Manning is overexposed. By Corporate America, not his offensive line.
If you watched the Colts in last season's playoffs, you shouldn't be surprised by their defense.
A finalist in the "Most Lame Handshake" category: Tiger Woods hardly paying attention, followed by winner Phil Mickelson rubbing his hand on his slacks. The Jets' Eric Mangini and the Patriots' Bill Belichick could learn from these two.
Dodgers vs. Giants this weekend. Anyone watching?
Bengie Molina's refreshing rant was a reminder that someone in the Giants' clubhouse still cares.
Men's tennis, desperate for a new star, has found one in U.S. Open semifinalist Novak Djorkovic. Question: Does his impressions list include Tom Cruise's Stefen Djordjevic in "All The Right Moves"?
Modesto's Byron Storer followed bad news (released by Tampa Bay) with good news (signed to the Bucs' practice team).
The Seahawks kept only four running backs, which scuttled the chances for Sonora fullback Josh Parry.
Cameron Worrell (Chowchilla) recorded three tackles and a fumble recovery vs. Jacksonville on Aug. 11. Accordingly, the ex-Bear has a roster spot with the Dolphins.
The Athletics finally ran out of prospects, because they've all been promoted to Oakland.
Time for the various players associations to talk serious about HGH.
Wonder if Tony La Russa will forgive Ankiel as he did McGwire.
Former World Series MVP Troy Glaus has been linked to HGH. Who's next, the Rally Monkey?
As this space noted last week, more names to come.
Bee sports columnist Ron Agostini can be reached at firstname.lastname@example.org or 578-2302.