The USS Hood opted to abandon its search in the Indian Ocean for the Malaysian airliner this week. Considering our past searches for Osama bin Laden, Elizabeth Smart, and Dr. Richard Kimble, perhaps we might want to start looking for that missing airliner at an airport.
New York City detectives busted female bicycle messengers Monday who moonlighted as hookers as they rode their bikes through Manhattan making deliveries. It can be a perilous job. Last night one of the messenger girls swerved quickly to avoid a child and fell off the couch.
Toronto Mayor Rob Ford was booed while marching in Toronto’s St. Patrick’s Day Parade on Monday. He could be in big trouble. Gang members were recently heard on a wire saying they have tape of Mayor Ford doing heroin, and this would violate his endorsement deal with crack.
President Barack Obama threatened more sanctions on Russia if they annex Ukrainian territory Sunday. The Republicans accused Obama of a weak response to Russian aggression. Faced with a threat like this, George W. Bush would’ve invaded Ukraine first and beaten Vladimir to it.
Obama told a young audience if they can’t afford Obamacare they can cut off cable TV or cellphone service to pay for it. Reaction was volcanic. Sasha and Malia just called that New Jersey teenager who sued her parents to see if she wants to make it a class-action suit.
Russian lawmakers in Moscow circulated a petition demanding the U.S. be kicked out of the World Cup matches. It’s exactly the same fear they had when our scientists were racing their scientists to the moon. They are terrified that our Germans will beat their Germans.