Tuesday, Jul. 22, 2008

The one you've been waiting for: 'Insult Your Boss Day'

Wednesday is the first "official" Insult Your Boss Day, according to Lady Arabella Snark. (Yeah, we're pretty sure it's a pseudonym.) Snark's proclamation is a shameless marketing scheme for her book "The Perfect Insult for Every Occasion." But it's also kinda fun.

Since the dawn of time, working stiffs have toiled for ignorant, self-important weasels. Thus, while this holiday is new, the sentiments are centuries old.

At www.insultyourbossday.com, Snark outlines several methods for insulting your supervisor. "Join forces with your brethren against a common enemy," she writes. "Satanic supervisors, mean managers, slimy CEOs ... they all deserve to be on the receiving end of a swift kick in the butt."

Mostly, she advises on how to prepare yourself for the firing that likely will ensue after you tell off your boss.

There's also a Countdown Calendar (sort of a 12-days-of-meanness device), a guide with pros and cons for various methods of attack (e-mail is good, but then you don't get to see your boss' face) and a history of subversive workplace behavior (a cave drawing shows a bird pooping on the head of a disliked chieftain during the Big Hunt).

Frequently citing Shakespeare, Snark gives advice on using obscure (and occasionally obscene) words to sound flattering. For instance, according to Snark, you could say: "Wow, you've been so busy aestivating for the last three months! You are the king of torpor!"

What you mean is: "Hey, boss, you basically slept through an entire summer of work. It's almost like you're unconscious."

Shakespeare, in a fit of inspired pique, also wrote, "Why, thou clay brained guts, thou knotty pated fool, thou whoreson obscene greasy tallow catch." The bard inserted this bitter-beer banter into "Henry IV."

Full disclosure: Fictional socialite Lady Arabella Snark is linguist and pop- culture maven A. C. Kemp. She is director of the award-winning American slang Web site Slangcity.com, and her innovative classes on slang and American culture have been profiled in The Boston Globe and The Christian Science Monitor. She is a lecturer in foreign languages and literatures at the Massachusetts Institute of Technology.

And she happily shows you how to use malicious language and stinging zingers -- you know, 10-dollar words -- to confuse and insult dim adversaries.