Pagan weddings attract more than a cult following

By LISA CUPIDO
COLUMBIA NEWS SERVICE

last updated: May 03, 2008 08:39:51 AM

"I feel a powerful connection to something tangible when I'm outdoors," Kemper said. That desire for a substantial beginning extends to their vows. "Sometimes things don't work out, so the vow Wiccans use isn't 'till death do us part.' It's 'as long as our love endures.' " The pragmatic approach to marriage espoused by pagan weddings is one reason they have become so popular, according to Raven Kaldera, a Massachusetts officiant and co-author of the book "Handfasting & Wedding Rituals: Welcoming Hera's Blessing." She's performed about 100 pagan weddings in her lifetime and says the number has increased over the years, especially among gay and lesbian couples.

"Pagans believe people should love who they love," Kaldera said. Pagan weddings are in general legally binding. Despite the legal conflicts that same-sex couples may encounter in cities where their unions are not recognized by the state, Kaldera instructs her fellow clergy to take gay and lesbian weddings especially seriously. "For many gay and lesbian couples, this is the only celebration they will get to have."

Lamira Martin is a celebrant from St. Louis, Mo., who trained with the Celebrant USA Foundation, an institute that teaches people to officiate at weddings, funerals and other personalized ceremonies.

She has been performing pagan and nondenominational weddings for only a year and a half but has wed 60 couples of all ages and backgrounds.

Her most popular requests include handfasting, unity candle lighting and sand ceremonies -- a ritual in which two jars filled with different colored sand are poured into one jar, symbolizing a union.

"Most of the couples I meet are in their 20s and want something beautiful and spiritual, but not religious," Martin said, stressing that she performs nondenominational wedding services that are often, but not always, pagan. "A lot of people have lost the connection to their churches, but they still want a ritual and to write their own ceremony." In her short time as a celebrant, Martin has married people in hotels, parks, back yards and Unitarian chapels. Last year, when Sean O'Connor and Annette Fox approached Martin about officiating their pirate-themed wedding, the couple were delighted to discover a pagan tradition they could incorporate into their unique, nondenominational wedding, complete with authentic pirate costumes and a dock setting.

"Lamira asked us if we wanted to include a handfasting ritual, and it sounded perfect," said Fox, now known as Fox O'Connor, a real estate broker in Lake Ozark, Mo. This was the bride's second marriage and she wanted to deviate from the traditional Catholic Church wedding that had honored her ex-husband's faith. "We really loved what a handfasting symbolized," she said. "It was just completely different for us."

As some vendors of pagan items can attest, there is no shortage of customers for popular Wiccan and Celtic wedding items like costumes, Renaissance gowns, handfasting ropes and candles.

Kimberly and Bill Tuttle, the owners of Gryphon's Moon, started their company 13 years ago, unaware that their moonstone pendants and incense would attract so many pagan clients. The most popular item on their Web site, gryphonsmoon.com, is their handfasting ring, which features the inscription "Hearts as one," in Runic, an early Germanic alphabet.

When she weds in June, Kemper will embrace several unorthodox practices, including wearing a gown that she describes as, "Oh-my-God pink!" But one tradition that she has not rejected is the inclusion of a flower girl. Wiccans believe the flower girl symbolizes a connection to Earth. Although she's been told her fiancé's sister, who is 9, is too old to fill the position, Kemper is determined.

"I'll call her a junior bridesmaid if that makes it more acceptable," she joked. "But she's still a flower girl to me."

Lisa Cupido is a master's candidate at Columbia University Graduate School of Journalism.

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