Who says today's stars are uninspiring?
I find our current celebrity crop an endless font of inspiration -- depending on the kind of inspiration you're looking for, that is. The ParisLindsayBritneys of the world probably won't make the honor roll anytime soon, but they do make splendid role models this time of year.
Why, you ask?
The Halloween outfits.
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Yes, celebrity caricatures make for great costumes and are surprisingly easy to perfect. With a few simple steps you, too, could be on the road to or from or back again to rehab, just like the rich and famous.
And in case you're still not sure what to wear to that big Halloween party this weekend, here are some helpful hints, along with the pros and cons associated with each look.
The Paris Hilton
NEED: A blonde wig. A prison uniform. Big crocodile tears.
PROS: Vocabulary limited to "That's hot."
CONS: Vocabulary limited to "That's hot."
The Lindsay Lohan
NEED: A steering wheel. An ankle bracelet monitor. A copy of the Alcoholics Anonymous Big Blue Book.
PROS: You're the life of the party.
CONS: But you're not so good at the rest of life.
The Britney Spears
NEED: A bald cap. A bag of Cheetos. A career in ruins.
(Note: Costume can be modified to the "Britney VMA Edition" with a sparkly bra and panty set, a tacky blond wig and tragic dance moves)
PROS: No-fuss hairstyle.
CONS: Nervous breakdown comes free with purchase.
The Amy Winehouse
NEED: Fake tattoos. A beehive wig. A gallon of eyeliner. A questionable relationship with alcohol and drugs.
PROS: You have a great voice.
CONS: Woodland creatures may nest in your hair.
The Matthew McConaughey
NEED: A bandana. A muscle suit. Some board shorts. A head of unwashed hair.
PROS: You're in good shape.
CONS: But you can't stop obsessively working out.
The Kid Rock and Tommy Lee
NEED: Tattoos. Muscle shirts. Bad hats. Scent of middle-age rocker desperation.
PROS: For dramatic effect, just get into a mock fight.
CONS: You may lose a tooth.
NEED: Ponyhawk. Teen idol aspirations. Inability to sing.
PROS: Teenage girls love you.
CONS: Everyone else hates you.
The Kevin Ferderline
NEED: Sideways ball cap. "World's Best Dad" T-shirt. No discernible source of income.
PROS: People will think you're the better parent.
CONS: That's still not saying much.
So, enjoy yourself this Halloween and remember, only follow these stars' examples for one night. Actually trying to be like them long-term may be hazardous to your health.
Elsewhere around the Scene:
Catch the Modesto première of the interactive TV pilot "Adina's Deck" at the Gallo Center for the Arts on Saturday.
The 30-minute show deals with solving cyberbully problems. The project was developed, directed and produced by Debbie Heimowitz for her master's thesis at Stanford University. It stars Modesto resident Amelia Varni, a sophomore at Central Catholic High School and a member of The Bee's Teens in the Newsroom journalism program, in the lead role.
The screening Saturday in the Foster Theater will feature the pilot episode followed by a documentary and a Q-and-A session with the four main characters, Heimowitz and writer/co-director Jason Azicri.
"Adina's Deck" has been selected as a featured film at the Kids First! Film Festival, which is a showcase for new and classic children's films, TV shows and DVDs from studios, independent producers and youth producers worldwide. The festival travels to more than 100 venues each year.
Admission to the première is $5. Show starts at 4 p.m. For more information, visit www.adinasdeck.com. ...
Modesto native and Beyer graduate Timothy Olyphant is coming back to television.
According to TVGuide.com, The actor, most recently seen in this summer's big-screen sequel "Live Free or Die Hard," has landed a a recurring role on the freshman ABC series "Samantha Who?" alongside Christina Applegate. Olyphant will play new boss and potential love interest to Applegate, the show's star, according to the site. Olyphant has just begun filming on the comedy series and should make his first appearance in December or January.
Olyphant was last on the small screen as the star of the HBO Western "Deadwood." ...
And finally, hear the beautiful music that happens when East meets West at a free Modesto Sister Cities concert Saturday. Longtime Modesto favorites Home Grown will perform, as will Kurume's award-winning Bridgestone Band beginning at 7 p.m. at the Downey High School auditorium.