We generally don't run photos with this column, but once the doozy to the right moved across the wires, the time clearly had come.
After all, words could not do justice to the, um -- shall we call it a hat? -- donned by Sarah Jessica Parker on Monday at the London première of the "Sex and the City" movie.
Really, even the picture doesn't do itself justice in black and white. The actual tones in le chapeau? Hues of avocado green, from head to bloom.
Someone took the term "cocktail" hat a little too seriously, yes?
Look, I get it, Sarah Jessica. Your "City" doppelgänger Carrie Bradshaw was a fashion wacko on several occasions in the HBO TV series and almost certainly in the film to come. Blame Patricia Field, the costumer d' nut-job who often dressed Carrie like a Vogue editor gone psychotic.
But this really is taking the whole method-acting thing too far. Filming is complete. You no longer have to live the role. And no one needs the wayward contents of a failed terrarium experiment to sprout from her otherwise lovely head.
That little round moss bog attached to Parker's tresses vaguely reminds me of the expandable crocheted toilet paper cozies my grandmother used to keep on the back of her commode. As a young, impressionable tot, I thought they were cute, but it never struck my fancy to pluck out the rolls and pin a cozy jauntily to the side of my forehead.
Then there are those butterflies. Seemingly procured from the clearance bin at the local arts and crafts store, the little beauties look like they'd be far more comfortable had Sarah Jessica left Great Aunt Philomena's favorite silk floral arrangement atop the console TV where it belongs.
I love Sarah Jessica Parker, but she's seriously gone off the deep end with this one. Let's hope when she pops back over the pond for the U.S. premières, she leaves the faux foliage on the banks of Europe.
There's a lot going on this weekend around here, in case you hadn't noticed.
Chocolate will be celebrated in Oakdale, fruit and nuts feted in Hughson, frogs will jump in Calaveras County and cyclists are set to pedal in Modesto.
Talk about May busting out all over. It sort of begs the question: Why everything all at once? Wouldn't it be better to spread the festival love around the calendar a little?
You have to give a pass to the folks at Frogtown, where the little jumpers have been hopping for 80 years. They were there first.
The Hughson Fruit and Nut Fest has been on the same weekend in May for 20 years. The chocolate festival debuted 16 years ago, but began its run on Mother's Day weekend. Oakdale Chamber of Commerce CEO Mary Guardiola said that while that weekend was fine for the festival, it didn't work out so well for local merchants. So they moved things to the next weekend and went head-to-head with Hughson.
For Oakdale, it's worked out just dandy -- about 80,000 attended the two-day event last year -- Guardiola said.
But in Hughson, not as much.
"It's a problem," Chamber of Commerce board President Bob Newman said. "The one year we weren't on the same weekend as the chocolate festival, we did better."
It's enough of a problem for the fruit and nut folks that the chamber is considering moving the festival to September.
"We do OK," Newman said. "But we could do better if we didn't have any competition."
Modesto's Family Cycling Festival & Criterium is the newest baby on the block at 13 years old. But there's a reason it joined this particular packed weekend fray.
The weekend tops off California Bike Commute Week and the festival Saturday puts an exclamation point on the week's events, said Megan Distaso, ride-share coordinator for the city of Modesto.
"Ideally, there wouldn't be all the other things going on," Distaso said, adding that because the bike fest is fairly small and just on Saturday, it allows people to visit the other events.
"Overall, it's such a nice time of year," Distaso said, "and people like to be outside."
True enough, so head outside to one or all of the events.
But if you do go out to see and be seen, ignore the Sarah Jessica Parker fashion cues and leave the houseplants inside where they belong.
Scene editor Pat Clark can be reached a email@example.com.