Clark: I predict baseless drivel will take over the world

E-Mail

Comments (0)

Text Size:

tool goes here

I got a terribly important e-mail Monday letting me know that Americans think A-Rod and Kate Hudson are heading for splitsville.

And here I didn't even know they were wallowing in togethersville.

Or, for that matter, that Americans get to decide the fate of whatever their ville.

Turns out, Americans are in such an authoritative position about this celebrity couple, they even can predict that the split will happen before Labor Day.

Yes, I get a lot of ridiculous e-mails from people who think I care about ridiculous things. Can we all agree that citizens voting on the outcome of a celebrity relationship is utterly ridiculous?

Seriously. Doesn't America have enough to worry about without adding A-Rod's coupledom to its long and tortured list?

Just so you know, 1.8 million Predicto Mobile customers were surveyed about the pressing question of Hudson and A-Rod. From what I can gather from the e-mail, only about 1,000 were interested enough to respond.

Thank heavens. Because if more people took the time to take part in this kind of idle inanity, society is in even more trouble than I thought.

So, what is Predicto?

Glad you asked. According to the delete folder-bound e-mail, Predicto Mobile is a "text message service providing live feeds and information for people and the media to discover what the country really thinks about pop culture and current events."

Look, I'm all for people being gainfully employed and all, but do we really need this kind of "service?" Do we need up-to-the-minute information cramming up our cell phones and e-mails on what others are thinking about -- of all things -- celebrities?

We're not even talking about actual information -- just predictions by Average Joe Americans out there with no way to really know the answer, anyway.

Who cares?

I understand that polls and surveys and the sharing of opinions are not just informative, but darn fun, too.

Maybe it's just this particular question that rubs me the wrong way, plus the underlying idea that this service apparently is looking to cultivate a legion of armchair Nostradamuses ready to predict the future of celebrities, their lives and their families.

Look, I didn't even know Hudson and Alex Rodriguez were an item so, clearly, I am not the target audience, as Predicto seems to believe. But what this all boils down to for a society that's become addicted to instant messaging, cell phone texting and Twitter feeds is TMI.

Too Much Information. Way too much.

Producers of all this supremely worthless babble are in such a frenzy to provide even more, they're now relying on pseudo-information: stuff that means absolutely nothing because it's based on absolutely nothing.

I don't know about you, but I don't have the time or patience for such blather. How much more not-our-business can celebrity-watching get?

I so hope Hudson and A-Rod not only last well into fall, but get married, have 10 kids and someday celebrate their 65th wedding anniversary with a quaint and private party that no one knows about or even can predict.

On Labor Day.

On a far more pleasant note, the bands and artists for this summer's X-Fest have been confirmed and announced.

Among the bigger names are pop-rock bands Augustana and Lit, "American Idol" alum Elliot Yamin, classic-rock band Foghat and artists Bubba Sparxxx, DJ Skribble and Jimmie Van Zant.

A long list of 2009 artists and their performance schedule can be found at www.xfestmodesto.com.

You'll also find information about tickets and other details for the July 18 X-travaganza in downtown Modesto.

Elsewhere around the Scene: Check out Oakland-based and socially conscious recording artist Goapele as Club Maxx at the DoubleTree Hotel holds its grand reopening. Doors open at 9 p.m. Saturday and tickets are $25 for the show at 1150 Ninth St., Modesto. Get tickets and more information at www.ehpresents.com.

Longtime local event promoter John Griswold plans to bring a regular Global Jazz Café to the showroom at Jacob's Fine Dining in Modesto.

Griswold, who has promoted numerous jazz programs in the region and was one-time manager at the State Theatre, expects the shows to be every Friday night, with a planned beginning in early July.

Griswold said in an e-mail that the events would cover a variety of genres, such as swing, big band, music of the 1930s and '40s, smooth jazz, traditional jazz, reggae, zydeco, Brazilian, Cuban, Latin and African sounds. The underlying factor, he says, is that the music must be danceable and appeal to the 40-plus crowd.

Stay tuned, 40-plussers, for more.

Contact Scene editor Pat Clark at pclark@modbee.com.