William & Patty: Chapter Four

E-Mail

Comments (0)

Text Size:

tool goes here

Patty's mother, Maggie, died about 10 years ago. When Patty's father, Lloyd, died in 2000, she found herself with a difficult choice. Her brother offered to have Patty come live in Portland with his family. But she did not want to leave William, whom she had been seeing for about five years. She moved into an Empire care home to live with more than 20 other people.

A friend of Sandra's told her about a house on Jasmin Avenue that needed to be cleaned out, and Sandra accepted the job. Eventually, she bought the house, which once belonged to Patty's family. She started learning about Patty and wanted to meet her, touching off many trips to Patty's group home.

Sometimes, Sandra brought Patty home on weekends.

"I loved everything about her," Sandra said. "I saw the world a different way when I saw how she looked at it. We'd be in public and I'd see people always looking away. And I realized I used to be one of those people.

"Not looking. And not approaching. And not realizing that she was a person with her own life, memories, feelings, friends, hopes, dreams and ambitions. She had something to contribute. She made me feel like I could be a better person."

Patty occasionally mentioned that everything would be OK if she could get back to her old home. She had difficulty with the group home's rigid scheduling, lack of privacy and the off-color language some residents used.

Patty did not know it, but Sandra already had entered a unique program called Home At Last. The program, run by The ARC of Stanislaus County, matches disabled people with people who want to share their lives and homes.

Patty's older brother, Ken, and his wife, Kathy, thought the program sounded like a good idea. They wanted to meet Sandra. Everyone agreed on a trip to Disneyland.

Patty and Sandra flew to Southern California and got a hotel room near the amusement park. They arrived late at night and climbed into their beds. Sandra did not even have time to turn on TV when Patty spoke out.

"Tell me everything you know about sex."

"Girl, we don't have enough time for me to tell you everything I know about sex."

The women laughed freely, and the mother-daughter sex talk began. Their relationship essentially started at that moment. Patty had been reined in for nearly 45 years. And if there was one thing Sandra hated, it was reins.

The women talked late into the night. Patty had questions; Sandra had answers.

"I felt a little uncomfortable at first," Sandra said. "Was I doing the right thing having this conversation? I decided my responsibility as her friend was to help her get what she needs. She knew what to ask. I'm sure she planned it while we were on the plane.

"She was so reaching out for normal. People become not normal around her. I never had a problem being normal around her. She thrived in that environment. So much time has been wasted in coddling her, trying to protect her, and hiding her."

The Disneyland trip was a tremendous success. Everyone got along well, and Patty never had seemed happier.

In July, Ken called his sister and asked if Patty wanted to live with Sandra at the Jasmin house. It was a needless question. A week later, Ken drove down and picked up Patty at the group home. As she rode away, she looked back, pumped her fists and uttered:

"I am free."