MUSIC REVIEWS: Scrooge tunes and fa la la la la songs

By ALEX MARSH - McClatchy Interactive

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MUSIC FOR PEOPLE WHO ARE SICK OF CHRISTMAS...

"Mr. Hankey's Christmas Classics" by Various Artists (Sony/BMG, 1999)
South Park's Mr. Hankey, the Christmas Poo, is your host for an evening of x-rated, politically incorrect carols that manage to mock every race, religion and creed. Adolf Hitler does a teary rendition of "O Tannenbaum," Satan celebrates "Christmas in Hell," and the South Park regulars butcher and twist the lyrics to even the most cherished Christmas carols. If you are religious, easily offended, under 18 or over 40, you may want to stay away from this album, which is why it has an "explicit content" label on the cover. If not, you may find it to be a hilarious and refreshing send-up of all that is absurd and hypocritical about the holiday season.

"Blue" by Joni Mitchell (Warner Bros., 1971)
The holidays can be hardest on people who are single or separated from friends and family. In her early folk days, Joni Mitchell struck a nerve with "Blue," a reflective, bittersweet album with songs about love and loss. The production is sparse, featuring just Joni's voice, acoustic guitar, piano and dulcimer, similar to that of other confessional singer-songwriters in the early '70s. One of the most touching tracks is "River" where Joni sings: "It's coming on Christmas / They're cutting down trees / They're putting up reindeer / And singing songs of joy and peace / I wish I had a river I could skate away on." Most of us have had holidays where things just don't feel right, when the smiles are forced, and the holiday party is the last place in the world you want to be. Joni sums up that vibe on this record.

"Christ Illusion" by Slayer (Sony, 2006)
What better way to wallow in holiday misery than with Slayer, the hardest, darkest death-metal band of all time? On "Christ Illusion," the original 80's lineup takes on organized religion with a vengeance, blaming it for everything wrong in the world, specifically war. These guys are so angry and raw, they make Metallica sound like Perry Como. Songs like "Flesh Storm" and "Jihad" remind you that the cradle of the three major world religions remains a hellish cauldron of violence and despair where it's not just chestnuts roasting, and there is no silent night.

"Oi To The World!" by The Vandals (Kung Fu, 1996)
Believe it or not, there are punk-rock Christmas albums, and "Oi To The World!" is one of the best. The Orange County veterans run the gamut from loud and fast to melodramatic and orchestral. Tongue-in-cheek juvenile humor is evident on tracks like "Christmas Time for my P****," and "My First Christmas (as a Woman)." The tightly-wound music is similar to that of bands like Green Day and the Offspring, but with funnier lyrics like Tenacious D. However, the Vandals venture away from the punk blueprint on the ballad "Hang Myself From The Tree," and even tackle classical music with a rendition of The Nutcracker's "Overture." This album deals with some dark subject matter, but never takes itself too seriously.

"A Christmas Gift for You from Phil Spector" by Various Artists (Abkco, 1963)
"A Christmas Gift for You from Phil Spector" has some great songs on it by Darlene Love, The Ronettes, and the Crystals, featuring Spector's Wagnerian "wall of sound" production. Love's "Christmas (Baby Please Come Home)" was obviously the impetus for the U2 cover in 1986, included on the first "A Very Special Christmas" compilation. But the album didn't sell well initially, apparently due to the fact that it was released on November 22, 1963, the day of President Kennedy's assassination. Even more creepy is the realization that a Christmas gift from Phil Spector these days is likely a loaded gun pointed at you, followed by the phrase "I think I killed somebody." The album ends with a much kinder monologue by Spector, spoken over the syrupy strings of "Silent Night."