Billy Idol gets it, but I clearly do not.
Once an annual money winner and championship contender in insert fantasy league here, I have become the Mr. Dumas of every league to which I have claimed membership in the past calendar year.
My list of fantasy faux pas reads longer than a determined third-graders Christmas wish list.
This past baseball season I breached fantasy Rule No. 1 thou shalt not loadeth up on homer picks cometh draft day by starting with a Dodger (Clayton Kershaw), then reaching way too early for a broken-down Brian Wilson and pre-postseason Tim Lincecum and Pablo Sandoval, before ultimately compounding my Giant errors in judgment by making ill-advised plays for the four-alarm fires that were Josh Johnson, Jose Valverde and Brett Gardner.
You would think that such a profound failure in the bat cave might convince one to start drafting with his head come football season, but there I was again, stubbornly championining the cause of dim stars and flimsy shields, and embracing defeat of the slowest, most painful kind.
To prove I learned nothing from my baseball face-plant, I ignored the hazard signs and miles of yellow tape surrounding Darren McFadden and took the Raiders injury-magnet of a running back with my first pick, then cannonballed into the lake of fire with the selection of Cowboys quarterback/fantasy tease Tony Romo three picks later on the second-round turn of our snake draft.
As McFadden and Romo owners know, the picks have brought predictably disappointing results. McFadden did little for eight weeks before suffering, get this, an injury ... this time a high-ankle sprain in Week 9 that could keep him out until Week 9 in 2022. Meanwhile, Romo, the ultimate fantasy high-wire act, has alternated between mildy disappointing to Caddyshack II horrible from drive to drive.
Even on those rare occasions when Ive actually gotten it right (like starting Raiders quarterback Carson Palmer over Romo last week, and picking up Randall Cobb a month ago), the moves have been negated by gaffes elsewhere (like leaving Falcons running back Michael Turner and Seahawks wide receiver Sidney Rice on the bench last week, and trading touchdown machine tight end Heath Miller in order to clear roster space for over-the-hill Antonio Gates).
At 4-5, Ill be lucky to make the playoffs this season after appearing in my leagues championship in each of the past two years. At this time last year, I was in the midst of a 20-game winning streak.
Even my most recent basketball team wreaked of limburger, as a steady stream of near-miss, 4-3 losses landed me in the cellar for the first time (Im taking this year off for self-reflection).
Who knows, maybe Ill find that four-leaf clover and rediscover the Midas touch. For now, however, Im determined to learn from the many errors of my ways though Buster Posey might make a swell fifth overall pick next spring and vow vengeance in 2013.
Now, excuse me while I figure out a way to unscrew this dunce camp from my head.
My Week 10 lineup QB: Tony Look What Youve Done Romo (at Eagles); RB: Michael Turner (at Saints) and Vick I rolled the dice and lost Ballard (Jaguars); WR: Marques Colston (Falcons) and Sidney Rice (Jets); TE: Antonio Gates (at Bucs); K: Sebastian Janikowski (at Ravens); D/ST: Giants (at Bengals).