For nearly 43 years now, patience and I have waged a war that makes the Hatfields and McCoys look like Yogi and Boo Boo.
And nothing brings my complete and utter lack of the stuff into focus like an underperforming fantasy team, particularly one that drags its tail out of the gate.
This summers failure in the baseball cave (though the bats have perked up here of late), however, has forced me to re-evaluate my fantasy modus operandi and to somehow find virtue in staying the course as football season has begun.
In years past, Michael Turners Week 1 hairball (11 carries for 32 yards and a cloud of yuck) would have earned him a one-way ticket to Triple-A Abu Dhabi, but Im willing to give this patience thing a try, you know, to see how the smug other half lives.
And to prove Im serious, not only am I keeping Turner on my active roster, Im starting him again in Week 2.
Stubborn? Oh, yeah. But Id rather stick to my guns this early in the season than be kicking myself Tuesday morning if Turner goes off for 100 yards and sneaks into the end zone once or twice and I get none of it because hes on my bench.
Besides, ones fantasy fortunes can change in a snap just ask Jay Cutler, Matt Forte and Brandon Marshall, who went from world beaters in Week 1 to representing the Lollipop Guild against the Packers on Thursday night.
Turner wasnt alone in the opening week stinkaroo department, as the stench coming off DeAngelo Williams (6 carries for minus-1 yard), Chris Johnson (11 carries for 4 yards, plus 6 catches for 47 yards) and Wes Welker (3 catches for 14 yards) continues to burn the nostrils.
Though wed all like to shove them into an elevator, lock the doors and blare Lady Gaga through the speakers on a 24-7 loop for all eternity for their transgressions, to punt on even one at this point could have dire consequences.
Each would be scooped up in a heart beat if drop-kicked onto the waiver wire and trading them would essentially be giving them away because you couldnt get a half-eaten Tootsie Roll for them at this point.
Were stuck, folks, at least for now. But remember, this isnt baseball, so you dont have to wait two or three months before cutting bait and having Scotty beam them to Red Sector A. Two or three weeks is ample time to determine if youre slow-starting grinder, wingman or wideout still has it or has it in for you. Hold your horses because now is not fire sale season.
My great start to opening week went for naught, as no-shows by Turner and Fred Davis proved too much to overcome in a loss to Pops in a rematch of last years league championship game. The Raiders backup long snapper becoming a gophers worst nightmare and Oakland coach Dennis Allen going with the vanilla extract offense didnt help matters for me, Darren McFadden or Sebastian Janikowski, either.
The good news is that nobody on my team played crazy-over-their-heads-great, so a bounce-back Week 2 should be in order. Because Im an optimist, Turner will get a shot at redemption, but there are limits to my patience, especially with Shonn Greene and Lance Moore waiting in the wings should he slip on another banana peel.
QB: Eli Manning (Bucs), Alex Smith (Lions), Andrew Luck (Vikings), Andy Dalton (Browns), Christian Ponder (at Colts)
RB: C.J. Spiller (Chiefs), Stevan Ridley (Cardinals), Donald Brown (Vikings), Benjarvus Green-Ellis (Browns), Doug Martin (at Giants), Reggie Bush (Raiders).
WR: Percy Harvin (at Colts), Dez Bryant (at Seahawks), Reggie Wayne (Vikings), Michael Crabtree (Lions), Justin Blackmon (Texans).
TE: Fred Davis (at Rams), Coby Fleener (Vikings), Kyle Rudolph (at Colts), Brandon Myers (at Dolphins), Martellus Bennett (Buccaneers).
My Week 2 lineup QB: Tony Romo (at Seahawks); RB: Darren McFadden (at Dolphins) and Michael I Believe In Second Chances Turner (Broncos); WR: Marques Colston (at Panthers) and Miles Austin (at Seahawks); TE: Fred Davis (at Rams); D/ST: Texans (at Jaguars);
Bee fantasy sports columnist Stu Rosenberg can be reached at email@example.com or 578-2300.