WorkWise: Regaining footing after a co-worker's misstep

Bruce Hurwitz of Hurwitz Strategic Staffing Ltd., in New York City, once worked in a company with a recruiter with an enormous ego. A nursing home HR client liked the format Hurwitz used to propose candidates and asked the co-worker to do the same. He didn’t. She insisted on speaking with Hurwitz, who did the work and landed an interview for the candidate. The other recruiter was worried about losing his commission and called an emergency meeting. He accepted no blame.

Informal partnerships are a hallmark of today’s workplace. Professionalism presumes trust. What happens when a co-worker missteps, leaving you to pick up the pieces? Based in Berkeley, Calif., speaker Elayne Savage, The Queen of Rejection, advocates taking action immediately. “Avoid the loss of productivity that comes from dwelling, agonizing and taking it personally,” she says.

INTENTIONALITY

What did the co-worker intend? Licensed psychologist Steven Lurie of Lurie Executive Development Inc., in Lawrence, N.Y., is an executive coach who helps people understand the motivations of others and how to respond appropriately to the company’s culture. Before taking action, consider whether this behavior is typical or atypical, whether you’ve seen it before, Lurie advises. Do a little investigating. “It’s always prudent to find out if you are the first person who's ever experienced this kind of treatment,” says Katherine Crowley of K Squared Enterprises Inc., in New York City.

When you talk it over, “make the person understand exactly why you’re upset,” Lurie suggests. “Decide whether they ‘get it.’” Listen for a sincere apology. Crowley thinks that you’re likely to receive one. She observes that “bringing the misstep to the colleague's attention will usually result in profound apologies and a conscious attempt to rectify the situation.”

The person who intends to harm you “usually denies any wrongdoing or tries to frame it in a way that minimizes the offense,” she continues. What about the individual who gives conflicting signals with a seemingly sincere apology? While the first may seek harm, the second, according to Lurie, is out for himself.

Lurie points out that “the ability to learn from the experience is essential. Some people still don’t get it, which means you know what to expect. Be very aware of the risk you take on when you work with them.” He adds that if the same hazards recur, you must accept the person as is, regardless of your need for him to act differently.

Hurwitz reports that the firm did what Lurie recommends – structuring the work so that it met the firm’s needs. Meanwhile, everyone “made the other recruiter feel like he was still part of the team but were certain that he would not be able to produce,” according to Hurwitz. When co-workers are well-meaning and able to learn, he comments, “helping them fix the error teaches them what not to do and how to avoid such mistakes in the future. More importantly, it builds team work. And most importantly, I always tell people that it is never the crime that gets you. It’s always the cover-up.”

However, Lurie believes that cutting off from the person isn’t an option, even if you find the behavior extremely objectionable: “Ending a working relationship is likely to be counterproductive. Although a few people might pat you on the back, most will perceive you as over-reacting or retaliatory. This will put your behavior in the spotlight. Stay engaged while minimizing your exposure to the undermining behavior.” In other words, don’t retreat from your work or social interactions. The obligation to complete your tasks and maintain good working relationships doesn’t slip away.

Be on guard in relation to the co-worker, Lurie advises: “Keep in mind who you are dealing with; act accordingly; and don’t take it personally.”

Dr. Mildred L. Culp welcomes your questions at culp@workwise.net. © 2010 Passage Media.