CLARK: Where have all the hot messes gone?

Scene & Heard

By Pat Clark
pclark@modbee.com

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Remember our oh-so-very-long national nightmare when you couldn't swing a blonde hair extension without hitting another "news" story, blog post or "Access Hollywood" piece on Paris Hilton, Nicole Ritchie, Britney Spears or Lindsay Lohan?

What happened there? Heck, if Lohan hadn't gotten herself tossed in the slammer, there'd be precious little to even remind us that these four pop-culture princesses/hot messes once held the collective world's breath on their every move, every blink of an eye, every Hermes purchase, crotch shot or sex tape.

We were so reveling in the peace and sanity that we didn't even notice it.

Or maybe it's just me? Maybe you guys are scanning blogs and TV shows that feature the above poster children for bad behavior. I just fell off the receiving end of the radar.

I kind of forgot that the four pop-culture princesses existed until Lohan's court date with black-and-white-

stripe-jumpsuit destiny hit the news. And it sort of dawned on me that perezhilton.com, tmz.com, E! Entertainment Television, et al, actually still exist, too.

Maybe it's been the recession. Maybe watching Paris plop down the equivalent to the budget of a small South American nation for a handbag on Rodeo Drive seemed less enthralling. Maybe we were too busy caring about paying the electricity bill that we forgot to care anymore about what crazy ensemble Britney was pairing with Uggs. Maybe putting food on our own tables became a priority over whether Nicole had put any food in her own mouth on any given week.

And, maybe, they started to grow up a little, too.

Well, not Lohan. She's the wild card here, given her new digs in an L.A. County lockup this week for breaking her probation.

But the rest of them seem to be making progress. Nicole Ritchie became a mom, after all, and seemingly began to consume more than half a celery stick and diet soda for dinner. Paris had a bit of a wake-up call after her own stint in an L.A. County lockup. And Britney got her mental mishaps back in order, seemingly realizing that she had a couple kids of her own to raise.

Lohan still has some growing up to do. Perhaps she'll get her own wake-up call this week. Funny thing, she's the one still behaving like a spoiled brat, but she's also the one with the most actual talent of the bunch.

Or any talent, really.

I did a quick scan of TMZ and Perezhilton just to make sure the blogs were still there and that there was still anyone to poke fun at.

Yes on both counts. But, man, it was slim pickings. If it weren't for Lohan, Mel Gibson's latest tempest and a few meager rappers in trouble with the law, there'd be almost nothing to post.

Seriously, both TMZ and Perezhilton carried hard-hitting, up-to-the- minute news and "exclusive video" this week about Bob Barker saying Drew Carey was boring as host of "The Price Is Right."

That's what it's come to: smack talk from an octogenarian about a chubby game-show host.

Wow. Barker doesn't know from boring compared to the celebrity blogosphere these days.

Of course, there still are the Heidi and Spencer-types mugging it up, the inhabitants of the "Jersey Shore" making waves and the financial and legal woes among the various "Real Housewives," but all that's kind of child's play compared to the heyday of Paris, Nicole, Britney and Lindsay.

What if the nation has grown weary of watching celebrities and pseudocelebrities pose and posture, 24-7? It would be nice to think the over-the-top hounding and and posting of anyone's life has become passé, déclassé and just downright ignored.

More than likely, though, it's just an ebb. Once the economy gets back on track and/or Britney has another meltdown, the nation's eyes undoubtedly will return to one of the least important things in the world: celebrity gossip.

Let's enjoy the quiet while we still can.

Reach Scene editor Pat Clark at pclark@modbee.com.