Posted on Sun, Apr. 20, 2008

A while back, Kate Trompetter and a friend were having an evening conversation over a glass of wine when the topic turned to community service in Modesto. It's a subject that invariably leads to one person in particular.

It was then that Trompetter, a 27-year-old youth program coordinator, and her friend posed a simple yet profound question: How does someone become a Bette Belle Smith?

Kate later told her father, psychologist Phil Trompetter, about the conversation. That got his mind working. Before long, the co-chairman of the Modesto Rotary program committee began putting together a workshop aimed at training younger, civic-minded people how to form successful community projects in the Bette Belle Smith mold.

Trompetter interviewed some of Smith's closest friends and colleagues, and compiled a collection of 16 traits and habits that make her such a successful fund-raiser, board member and volunteer.

"This isn't just a tribute to her," Phil Trompetter said. "The purpose is, if you want to be like this woman, and be successful like her, there are core qualities she possesses, and you need to know them to follow in her footsteps. I think what she has done is teachable and can be studied from."

For anyone out there who may not be familiar with Smith, her lifetime of community service projects is too detailed to list individually. The 87-year-old Modesto resident has been a board member of 20 nonprofit organizations, has received more than 40 community honors and is involved in more than 30 community organizations. She has a building dedicated in her honor and community awards given annually in her name.

But the "How to be Bette Belle Smith" Rotary program, which begins at 12:15 p.m. Tuesday at the DoubleTree Hotel, and where the 16 traits and habits will be revealed, may well be one of the highest honors.

Think about it: When was the last time you heard about a workshop designed to teach people how to be like a particular person? It's difficult to imagine a better compliment.

"She's absolutely an icon in our community," said Kenni Friedman, who has worked on community projects with Smith for 35 years. "She's enthusiastic about everything she does, and it's just a marvel to watch her work. It's watching her and observing her that makes you want to be more like her."

In Smith's case, there may well be no way to improve on the original, so emulation probably is the best approach. Even though there now will be a model to do that, copying Smith's techniques is something that, unofficially, has been going on in this area for decades.

'An incredible human being'

Tom Ciccarelli, president and chief executive officer of the United Way of Stanislaus County, first got to know Smith in the 1980s when she advocated for downtown renovation projects, most notably the proposal to build the Modesto Centre Plaza. The effort met with a good deal of opposition, some of which was targeted at Smith. Ciccarelli said he marveled at how she handled the controversy and her detractors with grace.

"It isn't easy when people are taking potshots at you, but she remained focused and positive and showed respect even for people who were in opposition to something that was near and dear to her heart," Ciccarelli said. "That's a rare quality. I just remember thinking, 'Wow, that's an incredible human being.' It told me a lot about her as a person.

"I was so taken with that, I modeled my own community involvement around her. She's really played a key role in my development as a community nonprofit person."

On Thursday, Ciccarelli arrived in a business suit for the United Way's annual campaign finale and volunteer recognition event at the DoubleTree Hotel. But Smith had other ideas about his attire. She had planned the event's theme, "Race to the Finish," in honor of the Amgen Tour of California's stop in Modesto, and asked volunteers to wear orange T-shirts. Shortly after Ciccarelli arrived, Smith approached him.

"Tom," she said, "where's your orange shirt?"

"I've got my coat and tie on," Ciccarelli said.

"We're all wearing orange shirts today for this event," she said. "You need to get an orange shirt on, Tom."

"OK, Bette," he said.

A few minutes later, Ciccarelli walked into the grand ballroom wearing a bright orange T-shirt over his shirt and tie. Smith's husband of 63 years, Jean, gave a friendly nod.

"That's a smart move, Ciccarelli," Jean Smith said, smiling.

Ciccarelli and Jean Smith know full well something many business leaders in this community have learned over the years: You just don't say no to Bette Belle Smith.

"Very few people ever say no to her," Ciccarelli said. "I'd do anything she asked me to. She's such a special person and I respect her so much, and I know she's right 99 percent of the time. If something's important to her, it's important to me. She's been described as the matriarch of the community, and that's truly what she is.

"And her husband is the unsung hero in this whole thing. He's always with her, just one step behind Bette Belle. You can tell they have this incredible love for each other and that he's very comfortable in his position of supporting her. He's the model of a spouse supporting his significant other, and it's a role I think he's embraced."

No nights off

Jean Smith said it's the rare night he and his wife find themselves home and not out at a community function, which is incredible considering they're both in their late 80s.

"Every now and then, I'm like, 'Can't we take a night off?' " he said. "And she's like, 'Oh, no, we've got to go do this and this.' I might never have thought of doing some of the things she's involved in, but it always works out well.

"She's amazing to me. She always manages to find somebody who needs something and then finds a way to see that they get it. Her compassion for helping people is just unbelievable."

And that's the underlying message of Tuesday's Rotary program: If you want to learn how to be Bette Belle Smith, the first thing you have to do is care. Most anyone who knows her does whatever she asks because her heart undeniably is in the right place.

She certainly doesn't do it all for the recognition. During an interview last week at her desk at US Bank in downtown Modesto, when told this story was going to be on the front page, she lowered her head into her hand and shook her head slowly from side to side.

"Oh, no," she said. "Well, I hope something big happens so I get bumped. But not a disaster."

She paused for a moment, then looked up and smiled. It's a smile so sweet and genuine, it's difficult to imagine anyone telling her no. And few people do. But don't be fooled: She's been using that smile, along with what can only be described as a loving twinkle in her eye, to get her way for the community's good for many decades.

"I think recognition is always nice, but sometimes it gets kind of embarrassing," Smith said. "You do it because you want to and you love to do it, not because you want to be recognized for it. What I believe is if I can pass this feeling on to others and keep it going for future generations, that's important. That's what matters.

"You can't just take, you have to give back to your community. I've felt that way my whole life. I was born in the Depression. I saw people in the bread lines, and I know how hard it was for our family to make ends meet. I know what it's like to be down and out, and it's just natural, I think, that you have a heart for helping people in that situation. That's why I'm trying so hard to instill the feeling of giving to young people."

Smith then offered a Winston Churchill quote that she said eloquently sums up her life:

We make a living by what we get,

but we make a life by what we give

Yes, that's the quote for her, she said. Sitting behind a bouquet of thank-you flowers on her desk, Smith elaborated more about the feeling she gets when she gives, and why it matters to her. And why she hopes it will matter to younger people interested in making their community a better place.

"It makes you feel so good to be able to experience a positive impact you've made on somebody's life," she said, closing her eyes as if remembering such an occasion. "It's such a warm, fuzzy feeling, it just makes you feel like maybe you've accomplished something important in this world.

"You know, sometimes when you do what I do you hear things like, 'Why do you feel the need to help these people when they don't even want to help themselves?' Well, I've worked at the Redwood Center's Interfaith Ministries out on California Avenue. It's a home for women who have abused drugs and alcohol.

"I've seen these women get the help they needed to get off alcohol and drugs; I've watched it. I've seen them be reunited with their children. And I've seen them get jobs and leave the welfare system behind. I've watched them become productive citizens again. So I say, 'Don't tell me you can't make a difference.' "

Bee staff writer Ty Phillips can be reached at tphillips@modbee.com or 874-5716.